Edge of Beautiful
by NoCapeNoCrown
Summary: ON HOLD - A new job as Chief ADA brings Alex back to New York City. Alex and Olivia finally confess their feelings for the other and everything seems to fall perfectly into place, however, Alex finally confesses something that happened to her while in D.C. After all of these years, can their love for each other withstand what comes their way?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all - this story and how I wanted to write it has been sitting on the back of my brain for weeks! And I'm finally bringing it to life. As per my usual, this is a story of Olivia and Alex. There is no Noah in this story, but everything else on the show is present time with of course fiction thrown in.**

 **Oh and I know I had mentioned updating She & Him, and so many of you have asked and been so encouraging about me continuing that story... I have been trying to map that one out in my brain as that one has a lot of twists and turns and people! So yes, it's still on hold until I have the brain power to write it! Ha! **

**Looking forward to hanging out with you all again on this one!**

 **-Mel**

 **Edge Of Beautiful - 1**

Sonny Carisi wasn't familiar with the sound of her clicking heels against the cement floor of the 1-6.

Maybe if Fin were sitting there, or Elliot… Olivia, they would recognize the particular rhythm of her, and her expensive shoes.

Sonny looked up to see who's footsteps had pulled him from his mound of paperwork.

The blonde, easily over 6ft in her heels, stood there in a perfectly tailored suit and even more perfectly coiffed long blonde hair.

He took a second look.

Typically, most took a second look.

"Ma'am, can I help you?" Sonny asked politely.

She looked around, almost passed him as if she hadn't heard or seen the man now standing in front of her.

"Ma'am?" Sonny tried again.

"Olivia?" she questioned, finally acknowledging him, her striking blue eyes piercing and direct.

"Uh, the Lieutenant is out. Would you like to leave her a message? Or can I help you with something?"

"When are you expecting her back?" She questioned ignoring his offer to help.

"She shouldn't be too long. But…"

"I'll wait for her, is that her office now? I can wait there."

Sonny was taken aback by her forwardness.

"Um Ms., you're welcome to wait, we have a lounge where I think you might be more comfortable," Sonny encouraged politely. "I can get you a cup of…"

"Alex?"

She turned on her heels to the familiar voice calling her name.

"Fin," Alex said, her demeanor changing immediately at the site of her friend and former detective.

They exchanged a friendly hug while Carisi was bumfuzzled by who "Alex" was.

"A sight for sore eyes. You look fantastic," Fin said, giving a charming grin.

"Thanks, Fin, you're looking pretty good yourself."

"So what brings you back to SVU? Last I heard you were in D.C.?"

"Flew in this morning. I was hoping to see Olivia. Detective Carisi is it?" Alex said directing her attention back to the stranger, "I was hoping I could just wait for her in her office."

"Of course, her office is in Cragen's old office," Fin said, walking with Alex to settle her in to wait for Olivia.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

"Who is she?" Carisi asked looking over to blonde now behind the Lieutenants open blinds.

"That's Alexandra Cabot. Our former ADA."

Sonny shook his head, now remembering hearing about SVU's former ADA Cabot before. He just didn't picture her quite so blonde and model-esk.

"Said she needed to see Lieu. You think she's got a case or somthin'?

"I know she's been at the DA's office in D.C., but she and Liv are friends, or were friends…"

"You guys have mentioned her a few times. I got the sense she was really liked around here?"

"She was, she is. She's smart, passionate and she and Liv butted heads, but truthfully Alex was the closest friend I think Liv has ever had… well until she took off."

"Took off?"

"Well a long story about Witness Protection, and then Alex took off for the Congo."

"The Congo?"

"Yeah, Alex would leave rather abruptly… She would leave Liv rather abruptly."

"And that didn't go over well."

"Like I said, she and Liv didn't always see eye to eye when it came to work, but she and Alex were close."

"Guess Lieu will be surprised to see her then."

"No doubt," Fin agreed, "No doubt".

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

Alex paced back and forth in front of Olivia's desk.

There was a couch, a chair, but her anxiousness preferred to pace back and forth.

She would look over emails, skim the latest news headlines on her Twitter, and at one point just hold her phone in proximity while her mind wandered to what she would say to Olivia.

Alex stopped pacing to nonchalantly look at photos and plaques Olivia had collected in her office.

Photos of people she recognized, some she didn't.

There was one, on her bookshelf of she and Olivia.

Yes, she was surprised to see it there.

But Alex remembered fondly of when it was taken.

She stood close to Olivia, her arm around her shoulder, Olivia's around her waist.

The picture seemed so personal to be in her office. It was taken on a weekend after brunch…

The corner of Alex's mouth turned upward.

"Alex?"

The uncertainty in her voice relayed her disbelief that Alexandra Cabot was actually standing in her office.

"Liv."

It took a moment for them both to adjust to the world tilting on its axis.

"I didn't know you were in New York."

Olivia had managed to close the door but still kept her distance.

"I actually just flew in this morning."

Olivia was biting her bottom lip as she shook her head, "Oh…"

There was a moment of awkwardness, them both not making a move.

"How's D.C.?"

"Good. Work and you know statues, monuments."

She wanted to say lonely.

Olivia gave Alex a smirk before making her way behind her desk.

It was safer there.

She couldn't run to Alex, hug her, tell her how much she missed her.

It was safer, a barrier.

Besides she wasn't even sure if seeing one another warranted a hug.

Olivia motioned for Alex to sit as she sat down herself.

"So what brings you back to New York?"

"Work of course." Of course, work is what brought her back. "And an excuse to see you."

"You don't really need an excuse to see me, or call." Olivia shot back.

There it was, the first punch.

Now over a year since they had even spoken to one another…

The first punch.

"I know," Alex said pausing, "and I deserved that."

Olivia let out a deep breath, "no you didn't."

"Liv."

"Alex let's not… I'm glad you're here. As awkward as this feels right now, I'm glad you decided to come here. I've missed you."

Olivia watched Alex as the words fell out of her mouth.

"I've missed you too. And I was hoping we could have drinks, maybe dinner while I'm in town?"

"Alex, I'm not sure if we should…"

"Olivia… please, I just need to… I miss you. And I know..."

"How long are you here?" Olivia interrupted, not interested in rehashing their personal issues in her office, in the middle of her squad room.

"Through the end of the week."

"I'll call you."

Alex nodded understanding, thankful that Olivia agreed to have drinks or dinner, or whatever.

Alex stood from her chair and smoothed her skirt down her thighs.

Olivia watched her every move.

Alex leaned over Olivia's desk, purposefully in her space. She took Olivia's hand into hers, "It's great to see you. You look incredible."

And then, Alex walked out of her office, Olivia watching her intently until she was no longer visible.

Olivia closed her eyes, settling the butterflies in her stomach and taking the breaths she was certain she had forgotten to breathe.

"Fuck," Olivia said barely audible before picking up her phone.

Breath in, breath out, her phone settled in the palm of her hand.

Olivia clenched her jaw.

"Plans tonight?" she texted and waited for what she hoped was a quick reply.

"My place or yours?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2**

Olivia stood at the edge of her hallway waiting impatiently.

She had nothing on but a pair of lace boy shorts that didn't leave much to the imagination.

She licked her lips with the sound of the key turning in her front door lock.

"Liv! I brought a bottle of wine! Actually, I bought two in case we needed to talk this…"

The blonde's eyes widened at the site in front of her.

It was abundantly clear that Olivia had one thing on her mind, and one thing only.

"Guess you don't want to talk?" She teased abandoning the wine on the kitchen counter.

"Can we just fuck?" Olivia growled, finally connecting with the blonde.

"Yes ma'am." she said grinning, her hand already on Olivia's bare breasts, their lips crashing into each other's as they fumbled towards Olivia's bedroom.

Hands roaming, clothes falling to the floor, tongues twisting…

It wasn't romantic or even thoughtful, though it was familiar and satisfying.

An afternoon of pent up nerves or energy or whatever it was, Olivia needed a release and she wasn't far from her goal.

They had barely made it onto the bed when Olivia spread the blonde's legs wider, sinking her mouth against her clit. "Jesus Liv!" she hissed as Olivia's tongue soon sent her over the edge.

Moments later, it was the blonde that was between Olivia's thighs, her tongue against Olivia's clit. Her fingers thrusting in and out of her, knowing what Olivia wanted, what she needed.

Olivia breath hitched and her body shook as she came...

The blonde looked up from between Olivia's legs, "better babe?" She asked with a sly grin.

Olivia returned the grin.

"Better, God so much better," Olivia said not having to hide the fact that she had yet to compose herself.

The blonde made her way behind Olivia curling up behind her, her body fitting perfectly against her.

She gently kissed the back of Olivia's neck, her shoulders, then softly ran the tips of her fingers over her breast, and then up and down her bare torso.

Olivia's eyes were closed, reeling in the sensation.

Reeling in the comfort.

This woman knew the cure for whatever ailed Olivia Benson.

"Carrie?" Olivia whispered, now turning slowly towards her.

"Hmm?"

"Will you stay?"

Carrie gave a comforting smile, "of course babe. You know I'll always stay."

Olivia snuggled back against her, her fingers playing with the ends of her lover's hair.

Carrie watched as Olivia lost herself in her thoughts.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

" _So you are taking the job?"_

" _Liv," Alex said, standing there in her bare feet, biting her bottom lip._

 _Olivia still dressed in work clothes, her Detective's badge and gun on her hip, stood in Alex's apartment, waiting for the best explanation Alex could provide her tired eyes and aching heart._

 _Ales was leaving her again._

" _Yes, I'm taking the job." Alex hesitated as she confirmed. "It makes sense. It's a good move. I'll be moving up."_

 _How was Olivia going to argue that it wasn't a great career move for Alex, that she didn't know that it was exactly what Alex needed to do._

 _Alex took a deep breath in and out to prepare her argument when Olivia didn't respond._

" _Olivia, why shouldn't I take it? I've been bouncing around the DA's office for a while now, hell, since I got back from the Congo... What's left for me here?_

" _I'm here."_

 _The words fell out of Olivia's mouth before she could stop them._

 _Alex swallowed hard before making her way towards Olivia._

 _Olivia backed away._

" _Liv don't…"_

" _No, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have even… God, I…"_

" _All I have is you here," Alex confirmed._

 _And that wasn't enough._

 _Staying in a city, not taking a job in D.C. because of a best friend, that neither one had the guts to confess they had more than "just friends" feelings for… no, it wasn't enough to stay._

" _Liv it's an hour and a half flight, and there are phones…" Alex justified. "I'll be back and forth and you can come to D.C…."_

" _Alex, I'm being silly of course you should go," Olivia said, wiping away the tears from her eyes. "I'm being selfish."_

" _You're not being selfish, you're making me feel loved."_

" _Well, I do love you."_

 _In a platonic, best friend, I'll never confess my real feelings kind of I love you._

 _Catching Olivia off guard, Alex embraced her._

" _I love you too. And I know…" Alex pulled away but stayed in close proximity. "But I have to because we…"_

 _Aren't together._

 _Aren't lovers._

 _Because we're nothing but friends..._

 _Olivia shook her head stopping Alex, already knowing the conversation they would never have._

 _This was their goodbye, again._

AOAOAOAOAOAO

"Liv?"

"Hmm?" Olivia said breaking from her thoughts.

Carrie sat up in bed and Olivia's eyes followed.

"Why do I feel like this is not about a case?" She asked sensing this wasn't Olivia's usual 'fuck to forget'.

Olivia smirked, "no it's not".

"Now do you want to talk?"

"If I say no, will that stop you from asking questions?" Olivia asked, raising her brow.

"You know it won't," Carrie grinned.

Olivia hesitated.

"Would you spill it?"

Olivia sat up, neither she nor Carrie acknowledging their nakedness as their sleeping together and in bed, conversations happened on a regular occurrence.

"Liv?" Carrie prodded.

"Alex Cabot showed up in my office today."

Carrie's eyes widened, "whoa wait… Alex Cabot, the Aleeeexandra Cabot?" She drug out.

Olivia shook her head, already regretting her admission.

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what else happened?"

"Jesus Carrie, this isn't some trashy reality show…"

"Oh no, this is WAAAAY better. Alex Cabot showing up in your office. I need details. I need to know if you were losing your shit? Was she hot as you remember?"

Olivia couldn't help but grin. This is why she loved Carrie. Olivia didn't have a ton of women friends, mainly from the nature of her job, so besides having Carrie be the best fuck buddy she had ever had, she had also become her best friend and confidant.

"She was Alex."

"Oh God, Liv stop!"

"No I mean, yes she was beautiful, but she was Alex. That thing, her thing. Yes, it's physical, she looked amazing... but the way she carries herself, how smart she is, and that subtle flirtiness…"

"I have never seen you like this!"

"Like what?"

"You're still in love with her."

"I'm not in love with her. It's, it's infatuation, its attraction. I'm not in love."

"You never talked about me like that and we've actually had sex with each other, unlike you and Cabot!"

"Can we just not talk about this anymore?" Olivia plead.

"Liv, the things you told me before about Alex, she's not a villain. She was your best friend, that you happened to have feelings for."

"Alex and I, we're not, we're not friends… anymore. Things have changed."

"So seeing her today, you didn't feel anything for her? You didn't send out the booty call so I could help you get over your afternoon with Ms. Cabot?" Carrie questioned as sat up straight pulling away from the headboard. "Oh God! Where you picturing having sex with her while we were…"

"Shut up!"

"You were!"

"I was not!"

Carried laughed, knowing how much she loved to rile up Olivia.

"So why is she here?

"She said work, and to see me."

"Mmhmm sounds like she misses you, that she's looking to make amends."

"She asked me to have a drink or dinner with her while she's in town."

"So when are you meeting her?"

"I said I'd call her."

"Are you insane?"

"Carrie, I can't just pick up where we left off! Pretend I haven't spoken to her in over a year **.** And she left New York 4 years ago. We're not the same people, we're not best friends anymore!"

Carrie took Olivia's hands into her own.

"All kidding aside, when you used to tell me about Alex, I knew she was different from your other friendships, your other relationships. There is a reason she keeps coming back into your life. Would you not be so fucking stubborn or so fucking scared, and just have the drink…"

Olivia took a deep breath.

"Carrie, I spent 20 minutes with her this afternoon and look what she did to me."

"Yeah look what she does to you."


	3. Chapter 3

3.

With champagne on her lips from a celebratory toast, Alex stood in front of the mirror in her hotel room critiquing her choice in wardrobe.

Olivia had called as promised and they had agreed to meet for drinks.

She had an hour.

An hour to over think everything from the royal blue jumpsuit she had on, to what she would say to Olivia.

What she wanted to say to Olivia.

Hindsight

Then, moving to D.C. and not telling Olivia how she felt seemed like the right thing to do, or not do. Alex had spent years wanting more, wanting more so much that she physically ached for Olivia.

But she had no idea how Olivia felt about her beyond their friendship.

Yes they flirted, yes they were close, but neither of them ever stepped over the line. No one ever admitted or confessed or even shared a drunken kiss.

When the offer came to go to D.C., career-wise, it was a move in the right direction. And that was the one thing Alex knew to do. She knew that she could protect herself with her career. So when it came to Olivia, she did the same thing that she had done before, she ran away before her lips, or her hands or her heart could get her into trouble.

If Alex couldn't kiss her the way she literally dreamed of doing, touch her intimately, it was better than to not be near Olivia.

She had her career and that would be enough.

But in hindsight - she should have confessed.

Jumped.

What she feared would happen by telling Olivia about her feeling for her, happened anyway.

They lost their friendship.

And Alex was left without knowing if there could have been anything more.

Now, here she was today, the newly appointed Chief Assistant District Attorney of Manhattan and she was obsessing over her outfit and what she would say to keep a straight Olivia Benson sitting in the chair across from her, maybe have another drink, maybe forgive her for being such a chicken shit...

Alex painted her lips red.

The deep shade of red Olivia always commented on.

Alex didn't have to ask herself what she was doing.

She knew what she was doing.

The outfit in question made her legs look ridiculously long, and her lip color begged to be smudged.

Alex gave herself a satisfied smirk and grabbed her clutch, nestling the red lipstick at the bottom.

One last look, one last straightening of her spine.

She wanted Olivia Benson.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

Of course, she was there first.

Alex perpetually on time, if not early, Olivia perpetually late if not having to cancel all together for the sake of crime fighting.

"10 Minutes!" Was all the text said from Olivia.

Alex grinned. Typical. And at least she hadn't canceled.

Alex took the first sip of Vodka Martini and studied the restaurant of Olivia's suggestion.

Alex had chosen the velvet corner bench like seating near the window of the tiny restaurant. The small marble bistro table was perfect for cocktails and small plates.

The dark walls and low lit vintage lights made the everything cozy, intimate, and definitely sexy.

God, this place was like Olivia.

Dark, intimate and definitely sexy.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," Olivia said, making her way towards Alex and taking her seat next to her.

No hug, no touching.

But she sat next to her.

"Oh, it's fine. Mr. Martini kept me company." Alex said with a grin.

"That looks amazing. I think I'll have one of those myself Olivia," Olivia said placing her menu to the side.

"Hello Ms., what can I get you to drink?"

Alex watched as Olivia gave a warm smile, "I'll have what she's having."

The waiter nodded, "will you be ordering food?"

"Do you want food?" Alex asked.

"I'm fine at the moment if you are?" Olivia confirmed.

Again the waiter nodded, and as he began to walk away, Alex stole a glance at the leather leggings Olivia was wearing.

Her sheer silk shirt, the leather legging, her heels that Alex knew Olivia did not wear to the office that day.

Alex wanted to stop obsessing… but her thighs… her...

"Alex, you look amazing." Alex broke from her trance in enough time to catch Olivia running her eyes from Alex's red lips, down the "v" of her jumpsuit.

"Oh, thanks," Alex said receiving the compliment. "It's nice to not be in work attire."

"I know what you mean. That's why I was late, I had to run home and change. I don't always want to be Lieutenant Benson…"

"Well, you always look great as Lieutenant Benson, but this look is definitely something to get used to."

Olivia grinned.

This was going well, the first 10 minutes were going well.

The waiter was back, sitting Olivia's Martini on the table in front of her.

"Liv, I love this place. How did you find it?"

"Oh, a friend introduced me to it a couple of months ago. I like it here. I feel like it kind of shut the world out, like I can just be here, be present, not worry about other things, you know what I mean?"

"I do… I love the vibe here."

"And the cocktails."

"Yes, and the cocktails," Alex said saluting Olivia.

"So you're here for work? A case?"

Alex took a quick deep breath.

They may have been the end of their pleasantries.

"Actually, a job."

Olivia's body language physically changed.

"Oh," Olivia said confused.

"I was offered the job as Chief ADA."

"In New York?"

Alex nodded, unsure of how Olivia was processing the news.

"And, you're going to take it?"

Olivia was biting her lip.

"I accepted this morning."

Olivia wasn't sure if she felt sick or if this was what mercy felt like.

"Wow… Alex that's, that's fantastic. I mean that's huge."

"Yeah… it is."

Neither one of them raised their voice in excitement, neither hugged or jumped for joy.

"So you're back."

It was a statement, not a question.

"Home sweet home."

Unexpectedly, a tear rolled down Olivia's cheek.

"Liv," Alex said abandoning the drink in her hand.

Olivia quickly pulled away, swiping away the tear.

"Sorry I just, I… I'm happy for you. I know what this means to you. How important it is..."

Alex gave an appreciative smile, but she knew this wasn't about the job.

She didn't want it to be about the job.

"I um, I guess I thought you were happy in D.C…" Olivia continued, letting the news sink in. "Since I hadn't heard from you I just assumed…"

Alex shifted on the velvet cushion, uncrossing her legs.

"I was happy at first. Or I tried it to be happy, I focused on my career, I made a few friends… and then I realized I had made a huge mistake leaving New York…" Deep breath. "Leaving you."

"Oh, Alex…"

Olivia's hand without hesitation, without thinking, landed on Alex's knee.

Alex's body surged from her touch.

"I felt so guilty that I had given up everything, that I had uprooted everything and I still didn't have what I wanted… " Alex placed her hand on top of Olivia's, "that's when I stopped calling when I stopped answering your calls. It was easier for me to be unhappy than to drag you into my unhappiness."

"Alex, God I would have been there… I would have helped pack your stuff to come back, you know I would have wanted you to come back."

"Would you have?"

Olivia pulled her hand away.

"Liv, I mean it that way. You didn't deserve me coming in and out of your life like I had been. Why would you want me to come back?"

"Because I love you," Olivia said stumbling, "because you were my best friend."

"Well, I'm not sure if it's too late, but I want our friendship back, I want you back in my life.

I need what we had back in my life."

Olivia's eyes were darting around the room.

Tears had welled up in her eyes, she felt frail and defenseless. Her emotions were running from wanting to kiss Alex passionately against the wall of the bar and wanting to run because everything she wanted was back in New York and she wasn't sure her heart could take another beating.

"Liv... I know."

Olivia finally looked back at Alex.

Alex had clearly been crying.

Olivia made note that she wasn't sure she had ever seen Alexandra Cabot cry.

"Alex, I'm not sure you do know."

Alex pulled Olivia's hand back to her own knee.

"Here's what I know. I know we're getting older," she said with a smile. "I know the things that I thought I had to do, that I had to accomplish doesn't mean anything if you run from the thing you want most."

"You want most?" Olivia questioned.

Alex paused.

This was it, tell her.

Tell her.

Alex cleared her throat, along with the intensity of her thoughts.

"I have to stop running. And right here is where I want to be, to be happy. You... " Alex looked away for a moment then back to Olivia. "I just need you to be in my life, ok?"

How in the hell was Olivia processing this?

How in the hell did she understand everything Alex was saying, but be none the wiser if she should just tell Alex everything so they could hash it out it fight about it or live happily ever after.

"So we're ok?" Alex asked, unsure if there was another shoe to drop.

"You're back in New York, I think we're both now more than ok."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Writing as fast as I can while I have the time! Thank you all so much for the reviews so far and for sticking me with me while I get this little story started! I love to hear your thoughts! -Mel

4.

Olivia pressed the phone to her ear with one hand, and gripped her coffee tightly in the other, as she looked both ways before crossing the street.

"You didn't call me last night! Did you go home with her!?"

"What? No! I went home, by myself."

"So, how did it go? What happened? Did you confess your undying love? Feel her up? Throw a drink in her face?"

"God, Carrie, how much coffee have you had this morning?"

"Ha ha Liv, but don't leave a woman hanging."

"It was nice."

"Nice?" Carrie asked, questioning Olivia's use of such a boring descriptive of her drinks with Alex.

"She's moving back to the city."

"What? She is?"

Olivia could hear Carrie physically stop whatever it was she was doing.

"She was offered the job as Chief ADA of Manhattan and she took it."

"Wow, fancy. And how do you feel about this?"

"I'm really happy for her."

"Liv, you're a genuinely good person. I assume you're happy for her. I mean how do you feel about her moving back to the city?"

"Truth?"

"Of course."

"It's like a roller coaster of fucking emotions. I wanted to scream at her not do this to me again, and on the other hand, I was overcome by this feeling of second chances or 3rd chances…"

"This is so poetic."

"Carrie!" Olivia scolded.

"Sorry, Liv, I haven't met the woman and I am certain that she is ridiculously perfect, but you are a mess over her."

"I know, I hate it."

"It's weird seeing you like this, but it also makes me really happy. You deserve to be in love. And after you broke up with Tucker…"

"Are you getting sappy on me?"

"Ugg yes, I am. I just love you and I want you to be happy. I mean as happy as you are when I make you come!"

Olivia almost spit out her coffee.

And Carrie laughed, amused with herself.

"So what did you wear?" She asked, then cutting to the chase with the details she wanted.

"My black leather leggings and that sheer black top…"

"Hmm, tits and ass. Good choice Benson!"

"I wanted to look good…"

"You wore that on purpose. You know you looked sexy as hell. Let me guess you wore ridiculously high heels…"

"She did seem to take a second look."

"You wanted Alex Cabot to get all hot and bothered!"

"Maybe, I did," Olivia said grinning to herself. "But she was the one that looked amazing, she had on this blue jumpsuit with a deep "v", God her skin between her… and the red lips."

"Red lips?"

"She wears this deep red lipstick."

"Umph," Carrie mocked.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey I'm headed into the precinct," Olivia interrupted.

"Ok, ok but it went well. You guys are on a good path?" Carries asked seriously.

"It did. And yeah, I think so. I hope so. We both want at least what we had, we definitely both want our friendship back."

"I'm already jealous!" Carrie joked. "Especially the part where you to finally break down and confess all your dirty little secrets."

"I'm getting off the elevator," Olivia warned.

"I love you, have a good day boss."

Olivia couldn't help but grin.

"Love you too, take no shit."

Olivia ended the call, taking another sip of her coffee before switching her brain back to being Lieutenant Benson.

"Morning Fin, Amanda."

"Morning Liv," they said in almost perfect sync.

"Carisi already go down to the courthouse?"

"Yeah left about 20 minutes ago," Fin replied. "Wanted to see if he could catch Barba before court."

Olivia nodded before her attention went to Rollins who was studying her computer intently.

"Any luck with the Hudson footage?" Olivia asked now in her proximity.

"Nothing yet," Amanda sighed.

"Update me if you find anything or don't, I'll be in my office."

Amanda nodded acknowledging her Lieutenant.

Olivia sat down behind her desk, already shuffling through a stack of paperwork she had put off from the afternoon before while her email piled into her inbox.

She wasn't 6 emails in when Amanda knocked on her door.

"Anything?" Olivia questioned.

"Nothing," she said disappointed. "But we'll find something. He slipped up somewhere…"

Olivia signed, frustrated. "Yeah, you know I was thinking about what the security guard said when we talked to him the first time, he said he was talking to another student the time of the assault. Let's find out who that student was, see if they saw, heard anything."

"I'm on it," Amanda said. "Oh and Carisi said he met Cabot, that she was here the other day. Said he thought she might be here about a case?"

"Actually, and obviously not public knowledge yet, but she accepted the job as Chief ADA. She's coming back to New York."

Saying those words sent a surge through Olivia's body and noted how awkward it would be if she squealed out loud.

"Wow! That's fantastic! And nice to have her back in your corner."

"Yeah, it will be nice to have her back."

Amanda nodded agreeing as she closed Olivia's door behind her.

Now distracted, Olivia picked up her phone and scrolled through her texts.

 **11:33PM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Tonight was good"**

 **11:35PM**

 **Liv Benson: "It was. And nice to somewhat be us again"**

 **11:36PM:**

 **Alex Cabot: "Yeah… us. I've missed us"**

 **11:41PM**

 **Liv Benson: "Possible to miss you more now?"**

 **11:42PM**

 **Alex Cabot: "I'm already going through Olivia withdraws :)"**

 **11:56PM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Liv…"**

 **11:57PM**

 **Olivia Benson: "Yeah?"**

 **11:58PM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Sweet dreams"**

 **12:00AM**

 **Liv Benson: "They will be"**

Olivia found herself with the same grin on her face as she had when she sat her phone down on her bedside table and turned out the light.

She lay there for another hour thinking about Alex.

Analyzing their conversation over drinks, their not so subtle touches, the compliments.

Olivia picked up her phone again.

 **10:15AM**

 **Liv Benson: "Good morning"**

 **10:18AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Hi there :)"**

 **10:19AM**

 **Liv Benson: "What time's your flight?"**

 **10:20AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "6:15"**

 **10:20AM**

 **Liv Benson: "Need a police escort?"**

 **10:21AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "LGA in afternoon traffic, not on my worst enemy…"**

 **10:21AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "But I could be persuaded to meet said police for a quick cup of coffee is she can get away."**

 **10:22AM**

 **Liv Benson: "Name the time and place and I'll be there."**

 **10:23AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Pearl Diner, 2:30?"**

 **10:23AM**

 **Liv Benson: "Some things never change."**

 **10:24AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "I like the cheesecake there!"**

 **10:24AM**

 **Liv Benson: "Oh now we're having Cheesecake?"**

 **10:25AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Shut up! Or you aren't getting any!"**

 **10:25AM**

 **Liv Benson: ";D I'll be there. 3rd booth on the left."**

 **10:26AM**

 **Alex Cabot: "Of course… I've missed you. :) "**

Alex had already ordered two cups of coffee and a cheesecake covered with cherries for them to share.

"You meeting someone?"

Alex looked up to see Olivia standing at the edge of the table, noting her hair was in in waves versus sleek and straight like it was the night before.

"A beautiful woman," Alex said with a sly grin.

Olivia sat down across from Alex with a smile on her face.

Alex handed Olivia a fork.

"Dig in, afternoon sugar high!"

"I can't believe you love this place."

"You love this place!" Alex argued.

"You love this place! I just came here with you!" Olivia refuted.

Alex laughed.

Olivia loved Alex's laugh.

She didn't just laugh a deep hearty laugh for just anyone.

"It was just always easy late at night on my way home. They were open and they certainly didn't give a shit if I had ditched my Manolos."

Another thing Alex Cabot didn't do for just anyone was ditch her signature heels - though Olivia preferred her curled up on the couch in her bare feet.

"Oh speaking of home. I have to find one. After two years in D.C., I finally let go of my apartment here..."

"Who lets go of their apartment in New York City?" Olivia teased.

"Yeah, yeah well I have to find a new one because I don't think the Chief ADA should sleep in her office."

"Ha no, and not to mention I'm certain the closet space is not up to your standards Cabot."

Alex grinned.

"So I'm planning to get some prospects lined up and I'll be back week after next."

"Oh, ok."

"Sick of me already?" Alex questioned from Olivia's reaction.

"No, no way. I just guess I had just not prepared to not see you again that soon."

"Actually the DA's office wants me here as soon as possible. It's me that's slowing things up with what all I need to wrap up in D.C."

"That's great."

"It is just stressful."

"Well, anything I can do to help. You know I will."

"Well, I was hoping you would go with me to look at places when I come back?" Alex questioned almost hesitantly.

"I'm in. Whatever it takes to get you back."

Literally

Physically back.

Alex smiled, Thanks, Liv."

Olivia nodded, "Hey that last bite of cheesecake is yours."

"You sure?"

"I would never deny you the last bite of your favorite cheesecake."

"That's why I'm so mad for you." Alex said blushing, knowing she wasn't teasing in the slightest.

Alex looked at her watch.

"We should probably get going. I have to get my things from the hotel and you… well, I'm shocked I could steal you away this long in the middle of the day."

With insistence, Alex left cash on the table and they made their way out onto the street.

"Cab?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah."

Olivia raised her arm signaling an oncoming cab.

"So, I'll text you when I get back to D.C."

"Yeah, please do. I'll see you in two weeks."

Four years down to two very long weeks.

Olivia raised her arm signaling an oncoming cab.

"So, I'll text you when I get back to D.C.?"

It sounded like a question. Alex didn't want to overstep.

"Yeah, please do. And I'll see you in two weeks..."

Four years down, and two very long weeks to go.

Olivia opened the cab door for Alex.

"I'm not wanting to say goodbye," Alex admitted.

"Then we won't. Just safe travels ok." Olivia said with an assuring smile.

Alex returned the smiled, then made the move to hug Olivia.

At first, Alex thought she had grabbed Olivia too tight, but as their hugged lingered Olivia pulled her even closer, their bodies sinking into the others.

Chemistry

Electricity

All of the above

Alex's bright blue eyes bore into Olivia as she never took her eyes from her as she got into the cab.

Olivia smiled again, hiding her disappointment and the truth that she would count the days.


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, between CMA Fest and Predators Hockey, this Nashvillian partied too hard last week! Sober and sunburned, I tried to write you guys a chapter that is twice as long as my usual chapter for your patience! Ya'll lemme know what you think.

5.

Olivia reached for the large overnight bag weighing down Alex's right shoulder.

She looked beautiful.

Actually, she looked tired, but always beautiful.

Strands of her hair fell from her once perfect ponytail, though she still looked stylish in her boyfriend, worn jeans and navy blazer, and of course freshly applied red lips.

"Thank you," Alex smiled, relieved to have the heavy weight lifted from her.

"How was your flight?"

"Not bad, or at least worth it to be back in New York."

"Well make yourself at home," Olivia said stepping to the side so Alex could wander freely around Olivia's apartment.

Alex only took a few steps inside before looking around at her unfamiliar surroundings.

Olivia was suddenly nervous.

Alex had spent plenty of time in her old apartment…

"It's no 5 star hotel, but…"

Alex turned to Olivia and smiled, "better than any hotel, it's so you."

"I hope that's a good thing?"

"The best thing," Alex smiled, flirting, "and thanks again for the invite to stay here this weekend".

"Well, thanks for accepting the invitation. It seemed silly that you not stay here."

It was silly that she didn't stay with her.

Olivia could most certainly keep it in her pants for the weekend, like she had for the last almost 18 years.

"Ok, so you can sleep in my bed, let me show you where you can put…"

"Liv. I certainly am not taking your bed!"

"You are. Alex, I promise it's no big deal. You forget, I'm a cop, I can sleep anywhere."

Alex still wanted protest, but instead decided to change the subject, knowing they could finish this argument later.

"How about we discuss later? I'm hungry."

Olivia grinned, surrendering as well.

"I took the liberty of ordering Chinese food. I hope that's ok."

"That's perfect. I don't have to make any more decisions and I can just eat."

"Stressed?" Olivia asked watching Alex pull her blazer off, revealing the loose fitting white tank underneath.

"Do you have wine?" Alex asked, not answering immediately.

"Of course!" Olivia smiled, heading towards the kitchen.

Alex sat down on the couch and easily made herself at home.

She removed her shoes and tucked her feet under her on the couch, settling in.

She had positioned herself to watch Olivia's bicepts flexing as she pulled the cork from the bottle of wine. Watching her breast tight against the thin grey v-neck t-shirt she was wearing.

Alex's mouth was watering.

"So stressed?" Olivia asked, handing Alex her glass and sitting down on the couch comfortably next to her.

Alex seemed to be having trouble moving her eyes from Olivia's chest.

"Alex?"

"Oh yeah, um it's just everything you would expect with trying to wrap up everything in D.C. while trying to simultaneously become a New Yorker again."

"Well the offer still stands of anything I can do to help."

"You're already doing it Liv," Alex said taking Olivia's hand in hers, "letting me stay here with you, going with me to see apartments, I couldn't ask for more."

Olivia looked down at Alex's hand covering hers.

Her skin tingling.

The door buzzed interrupting them, their bodies jolting back to reality.

Olivia pulled her hand slowly from Alex's, letting the tips of her fingers linger before she completely let go, and got up from the couch.

Alex went to follow.

"Sit, I'll bring everything to you." Olivia smiled.

"I could get used to this!"

"You can get used to this!"

Olivia soon placed the food on the coffee table.

"So do we have a plan for tomorrow?" Olivia asked as she dispersed plates and chopsticks between them.

"First showing is at 9."

"How many apartments are we looking at?"

"From all the listing I went through, there are three I'm really interested in."

"You've narrowed it down to 3?"

"Well I don't have a lot of time, and I do have a great real-estate agent. She's helped my family for years."

"Ah I see. I should have known you had an "in"."

Alex grinned. "After we eat I'll show you the listings."

They ate with steady conversation and soon the remnants of Lo Mein and Beef and Broccoli sat at the bottom of take out containers back on the coffee table.

"I like that one," Olivia said, leaning in closer to Alex as her own dark rimmed glasses pointed at the iPad screen.

"I'm hoping they aren't just really good photos, though Suzanne assures me they are all contenders."

"It's like online dating, you hope when you show up, she looks like the picture." Olivia joked.

She? Alex questioned.

"So you're set on being on the West side? Thought you were an East sider for life."

Alex didn't look up from the iPad, "I guess I unconsciously wanted to be closer to you."

"Oh, yeah… Um well I'm impressed with the way you have it all together. This apartment hunting may not be as painful as I was anticipating."

"You were anticipating pain?"

"Alex, apartment hunting in New York is painful for everyone, no matter who you are accompanying."

"True, I guess there was anticipation of the pain of apartment hunting on my part as well. For the past two weeks I feel like I have scoured through every listing in this city," Alex said rubbing her neck.

"Well, I think it will all be worth it when you're here, settled back in New York. Where you belong I might add," Olivia said, placing her hand on Alex's shoulder. "Hey, turn around."

Alex raised a quick brow to Olivia and then did as she was told.

The feel of Olivia's thumbs suddenly pressing into her skin, into her muscles made Alex let out a soft moan of relief and to let Olivia know she had found a moment of euphoria.

"Feel good?"

"Liv, so good."

Olivia continued her massage and watched as goosebumps splayed across Alex's skin.

They had both stopped talking, both focusing on the giving and the receiving.

The touching, the feeling.

Olivia's hand slid below the racerback of Alex's tank top.

New territory.

She wanted to pull that tank top from Alex's body.

Pull her bra straps from her shoulders, sear her lips against the back of Alex's neck, drag her lips across her bare shoulders.

Alex rolled her head forward, "your hands are magic, but I had no doubts about that."

Olivia was lost in the feel of Alex's skin against her fingertips. Lost in the sounds of approval Alex was making.

Alex's bare skin and Olivia's fingertips.

"I could fall asleep, you doing this."

Olivia rubbed her neck and shoulders a few more minutes before she pulled her hands away letting Alex face her again.

"You know probably should get some sleep. You have big decisions to make tomorrow."

"Ugh don't remind me," Alex said making her way to the edge of the couch. "Come on."

Olivia looked at Alex confused.

"Liv, we can share a bed."

"Alex I told you it was fine."

"It's a queen size bed, there is no sense in you sleeping on this couch. There is plenty of room for us both."

No there wasn't.

Before Olivia could argue her case about how she wasn't sure if she could restrain herself if she was in the same bed with Alex, especially after touching her the way she just had… Alex was off the couch.

"So you sleep on the right or the left?"

This was happening.

"Um the left."

Alex nodded, "Alright if I get first dibs on the bathroom?"

"Um, of course, go ahead."

Alex disappeared from the living room, leaving Olivia to pull herself together.

Hoping to God she could get her body in check, get her mind out of the gutter.

Hearing Alex leave, Olivia made her way towards the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Olivia looked at the tank top and pajama shorts she had slept in the night before hanging on the hook.

She didn't plan this.

She didn't plan having Alex in her bed.

Nothing was happening.

Nothing was going to happen.

She wished she had something a lot more modest to put on. At least an oversized t-shirt, instead of a stretched out tank top and a pair barely there cotton shorts.

Olivia washed her face, hoping the cold water would help her get it together.

Now or never.

She opened the bathroom door, Alex was lying in bed on the right side. Covers pulled up to her waist, only revealing a little baby doll T and no bra.

Definitely no bra.

Alex watched Olivia maker her way to bed in her tank and pajama shorts that hugged her thighs.

'Cute jammies." Alex grinned.

"Well, I wasn't exactly planning on having a bed mate."

"Those look like they're bed mate friendly to me," Alex said biting her bottom lip.

Olivia couldn't help but give Alex a grin as she made her way on the covers.

Olivia turned out the light, but the almost full moon lit the room enough for Alex to study the outline of Olivia's body.

The span of her shoulders, muscles in her back, the way her body dipped at her waist and then curved back to her hips.

Alex was now imagining Olivia's thighs under the sheets.

Those little shorts.

How she could slip in between them so easily.

"Alex?" Olivia said now turning to face her.

"Yeah?" Alex said trying to compose herself, thankful that the moon light wouldn't show her flushed cheeks.

"I'm really glad you're here."

"In New York? Or in your bed?" Alex asked boldly.

Jesus, God.

Olivia let out a slow breathy laugh.

"Both I guess."

The electricity floated between them.

"Goodnight Liv."

"Goodnight Alex."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

The next morning, Alex had slipped out of bed, showered, and had found Olivia's robe.

It wasn't long before Olivia woke up to the smell of coffee and a grin covered her face.

Alex Cabot.

The night before.

Alex Cabot.

Olivia looked on the back of her bathroom door for her robe. Seeing it was missing, she knew exactly where it had gone. She also remembered how much Alex had appreciated her "jammies" last night and decided to go with it this morning, hoping for the same reaction.

"Good morning." Alex said, sitting on a bar stool at Olivia's kitchen counter. "I took your robe."

"I see that," Olivia said studying how it looked on her with her still damp blonde hair.

She pushed the empty coffee cup towards Olivia, nodding toward the freshly made coffee.

"Thanks," Olivia said taking the cup. "I could get used to this."

"You can get used to this." Alex said, all knowing the repeated lines from last night.

Olivia grinned.

Alex took a moment to admire Olivia in the Saturday morning sunlight as she fixed her coffee.

Her revealing tank top, tousled hair, her fresh face.

She could definitely get used to this.

"Suzanne, my agent, texted a few minutes ago to make sure we were good to meet her at the first place at 9."

"I just need to hop in the shower, I'll be quick!"

"I know you can be quick. Come sit, drink your coffee. You have plenty of time," Alex said suggesting Olivia come sit next to her at the bar.

Olivia sat.

They both sat.

With this unspoken thing between them.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"I feel like I'm on one of those House Hunter shows." Olivia joked, as they took the elevator up to the high rise apartment where Alex's realtor, Suzanne was waiting for their 3rd and final showing of the day.

Alex grinned, "you are being incredibly patient and I am more than impressed with your taste and real estate knowledge."

"It's easy to have taste at this price point Cabot." Olivia joked again.

"You're on fire today Benson." Alex shot back.

Olivia smiled, "I'm just in a good mood."

Stepping off of the elevator, looking at Olivia with a grin over her shoulder, Alex was in a good mood too.

"Alex, Olivia, I think we've saved the best for last." Suzanne said excitedly, holding the door to the apartment open for them.

"From the photos, this one was your favorite, right Liv?" Alex conferred.

"It was. I love the light, and it's modern, but it still feels cozy."

"I couldn't agree more," Suzanne said, truly thrilled with Olivia's taste.

Suzanne obviously unknowing and unquestioning Olivia and Alex's relationship, continued to comment throughout the showings how their was 'plenty of closet space for "two" or pointing out the bathroom had two sinks, "hers and hers," she joked, and that the bedroom would fit a kingsize bed if "they" wanted.

Alex didn't correct her.

Neither corrected her.

"Ok, so I know this has been a bit of whirlwind, but I know you're in a bit if a hurry…"

"Would you mind if I took a few hours? Let you know before the end of the day?"

"I don't think that would be a problem at all. I'll let you two talk it over and just let me know," Suzanne said cheerfully.

AOOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia and Alex sat at a late lunch, Olivia prompting Alex of her pros and cons of each apartment.

"You really liked the last one."

"Alex, I can't choose for you!"

"Your opinion matters."

"You liked the first one with the bigger office space option."

"True, and I liked the living room, but the closet space…"

"Yeah not really enough for the Alexandra Cabot wardrobe…"

"Or for two as Suzanne kept insisting."

"I was kind of snickering the whole time. You didn't correct her!"

"You didn't either!"

They both laughed.

"And the last one, the bathroom, that tub…"

"Uh yes! And it had office space… and the light, the view."

"Pretty amazing," Olivia grinned.

"So the last one?"

"It seems like an obvious choice," Alex agreed. "I'm calling Suzanne."

Olivia listened as Alex told Suzanne her decision.

"Ok, it's done. Finger's crossed."

"Definitely finger's crossed."

Olivia dn Alex both to a sip of their water and for a split second, things suddenly felt awkward between the two of them.

"Should we talk about other things?" Olivia asked finally.

"Other things? Sure we can talk about whatever you want?"

Olivia looked around the room, biding time.

Gathering her thoughts, her courage.

Alex let her, she was doing the same.

"Alex… I don't think I'm misreading us."

Alex let out a nervous, breathy laugh.

"No. I don't think you are. I, I don't think I am either."

"It's been a long time coming hasn't it?"

"Too long," Alex agreed.

"I don't know what to do about it. I mean I do. I just."

"Scared?"

"Terrified."

"Afraid of having feelings for each other?"

"Yeah."

"Afraid we'll ruin everything we have?"

Olivia shook her head, "yeah."

"Afraid that I won't be everything you ever needed, you ever wanted."

"Alex... I'm afraid that I won't be…" 

"Liv, if I haven't hinted enough I'm tired of running. And I don't think me flirting with you has been so subtle."

"Not exactly." Olivia smiled.

"I didn't know how to tell you, so I just went with the highschool flirting method."

"We're totally both 11th graders."

"No 11th grader has a body like yours Olivia Benson."

Olivia blushed.

"Alex!"

Alex grinned.

"So what do we do?" Alex asked, serious.

Olivia took a deep breath.

"You move back to New York. You accept my invation to dinner."

"Like a date?"

"Like a date."

"And we go from there?"

Olivia grinned. "Yeah, I think we go from there."


	6. Chapter 6

6.

She slid deeper into the tub, the water still warm, though the bubbles where now just suds floating on top of the water.

Alex had abandoned a now crinkly paperback and her thoughts were with Olivia.

It had been only a few days since she had left New York and she craved to feel Olivia's hands on her body, searing into her skin, the way she did from the not so innocent massage Olivia had given her.

That night, she wanted to turn around and kiss Olivia. She wanted to take her breath away.

She wanted Olivia's hands to go further, touch her… feel her hands everywhere on her body.

God, she wanted her to touch her… now.

Alex's hand went to her left breast.

She massaged her breast, mimicking Olivia's touch.

Her mind wandering, picturing Olivia mouth sucking her hard nipples.

Alex slid her right hands beneath the water, between her legs.

Her head falling back against the edge of the tub.

Olivia's body, her breast in that tank top, her thighs in those pajama shorts.

Alex was so turned on by her memory and what she hoped was to come.

She wanted Olivia so badly.

Alex fingers ran across her center back and forth, her clit engorged.

Olivia's hand. Olivia fingers. God, the thought of her tongue...

Alex felt the onset of her orgasm. She let go of her breast and she clutched her knee that was peaking through the water.

She climaxed, her body making small waves in the tub, she refused to give mercy on herself, she needed the release.

She needed Olivia.

She lay there her body buzzing, in no rush not to saver her orgasm or her fantasy of what Olivia has just done to her.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

"So I assume you haven't seen today's paper?"

"No why?" Olivia asked, her eyes widening uncertain of what was to come next.

"It's official," Carrie said dropping the folded newspaper in front of Olivia.

 _ **Former Manhattan ADA, Alexandra Cabot, new Chief of ADAs**_

Olivia took a moment to read the headline again, letting it sink in.

She also took the moment to stare at the photo of Alex.

The picture was new.

Recent.

Olivia could tell by her glasses and the length of her hair.

She was beautiful.

"She looks hot," Carrie teased. Olivia rolled her eyes. "She kind of looks like super woman before she breaks out of that expensive suit into some form fitting leather number that she kicks…"

"You're really the worst!" Olivia interjected.

And yes, she did look hot.

Ravishly hot.

Back her against a wall and have her way with her hot.

"Oh come on, you know you've thought about what's under that suit. Think she's a thong girl?"

"She used to also like boyshorts… kind of weekday, weekend kind of thing I think." Olivia teased, grinning.

"Mmmhmm. Totally hot." Carrie smirked satisfied that Olivia played along. "And how do you know that!"

"We were close at one point, I have seen her change clothes… I mean it was modest, I wasn't staring, but of course I looked…"

"And I'm certain Ms. Cabot has taken a peek or two at the Benson booty before."

Olivia laughed out loud as Carrie grinned like a cheshire cat, proud of herself.

"So you're weekend went well? How did the apartment hunting go?"

The server had just sat down two bourbon on the rocks in front of the both of them.

"Alex found a great apartment on the Upper West…" Olivia said taking a sip.

"Ahh Upper West. Not very far from you. Very stalkerish..."

"Ha ha," Olivia said once again rolling her eyes.

"I'm sure the apartment she chose was ridiculous?" Carries said taking her on sip of the brown liquid.

"It was like getting to live vicariously for a day, looking at apartments in her price range. I can't even imagine waking up in an apartment like that."

"Oh so you have NO plans to ever waking up in that apartment?" Carrie asked her brow raised.

"Actually... Alex and I did talk, kind of."

Carrie leaned in closer.

"Kind of?"

"I told her I didn't think i was imagining what was going on between us."

"Finally!"

"And she agreed…"

"You two are so brilliant in your own right, yet so dense." Carrie said shaking her head.

"We're gonna see what happens…"

"So this didn't end with couch sex or countertop sex or…"

"Carrie, I want to do this right. Alex and I are really good at fucking this up."

"And being really slow too!"

Olivia laughed.

"What?"

"Why do you have that look on your face? What happened!"

"We just shared a couple of moments with each other."

"Details woman!"

"Lets just say sleeping in the same bed and not touching her anymore than I already had was REALLY hard to do!"

"Wait, same bed? Already had?"

"I may have volunteered to give her a massage. And I wanted to do touch her so much more than I did…"

"Ok, Ok…" Carrie grinned, intrigued.

"And by accident I didn't have the most modest outfit to wear to bed. I mean it was just a tank and shorts…"

"Like the tank that is stretched ridiculously low and those little short shorts that any living human with sex organs would cream themselves…"

Olivia grinned, "She made sure that she let me know she approved."

"I'm sure she did. I can't believe she didn't jump you. I would have. Oh wait, I have." Carried laughed.

Olivia's phone was sitting on the table, it buzzed, Alex's name appearing on the screen.

"Well lookie who's calling, you get that, I'm going to the bar to order food."

"No fried!"

"It's all fried!" Carried yelled back.

Olivia watched Carrie walk towards the bar as she picked up the phone.

"Hey there."

Olivia noticed her voice was higher, and she hoped Alex could hear the smile in her voice.

"Hi."

"What ya doing?"

"I've been packing now I'm soaking in the tub… thinking about you."

There was a pause.

Alex. Naked. Tub.

Jesus.

Olivia was blushing as she look around for Carrie's proximity.

"How about you?"

"Um just having a drink with a friend, trying to wind down the day," she relayed.

"Oh, I don't want to interrupt…" Alex said hesitating.

"No, no you're not at all! I'm glad to hear your voice."

"That's good to hear. I'm missing you."

"It's been a long couple of days since you left…" Olivia agreed.

"Well I won't keep you, but I was thinking, wondering if you maybe wanted to come to D. weekend?"

"Oh…"

"I mean, I just thought since it was my last weekend here. I could maybe show you around, and I truthfully, I just miss you..." Alex rambled.

"Alex, I would love to spend the weekend with you D.C."

"Really? Ok, perfect!"

Now Olivia could hear the smile in Alex's voice.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Just a heads up I only have a one bed so…"

Olivia let out a breath laugh, "I thought we established we were good at sharing."

"Can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"Not touching you the other night in bed was painful."

"I know…" Olivia said, with a deep breath. "Um, maybe we could do something about that not touching thing."

"I like that idea."

"I'll book your flight." Alex said anxiously.

"You don't have to do that!" Olivia protested.

"I want to… but there is one condition."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Bring that tank top."

Olivia grinned.

"Done."

"Ok, how about a flight Friday after work? We can fly back to New York together Sunday evening?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Ok, well I could talk to you for hours… but I'll let you go. Enjoy your drinks."

"You enjoy that tub," Olivia said, her thoughts back to picturing Alex.

"Night Liv."

"Goodnight."

Carrie saw Olivia sit her phone back on the table.

"Did I stay away long enough?"

Olivia smiled, appreciatively in response.

Carrie sat back down across from Olivia with a basket of fries.

"Alex she ask me to come to D.C this weekend."

"Yeah, she did! Maybe this slow roll you and Cabot have going won't be as slow and teasing as I had once anguished over."

"Doesn't it all just seems bit weird?"

"Weird? What are you talking about?"

"Ok. not weird, almost unimaginable. Alex was out of my life, and now here we are, again. Except this time we seem like we're actually going to do this."

"Liv, I get it, you two have a lot of history good and bad, but don't let any of it dictate how you to move forward. You want each other. Stop hesitating, stop the what ifs, and the because and give in. Just kiss her, touch her, be with her."

"You know I never over think things like this."

"I don't think you've ever been in love with anyone like this. Fight or flight Olivia Benson doesn't work in this situation. You have to stop dancing around it. This is real."

"She's broken my heart twice. I refused to let her do it again when she left for D.C…."

"Liv, love can suck, but it can be so good too. Give yourself and Alex a break… and I mean you're definitely not getting any younger!"

Olivia threw her napkin towards Carrie as she laughed.

"Ok! I get it, I get it!"

"Thank God! Now can we get another drink?"


	7. Chapter 7

7.

"Hi. James!" Alex said, making her way in the front door of her building.

"Ms. Alexandra let me help you with that!" He said rushing to take the over-stuffed box in Alex's arms.

"Thanks, James."

They stopped at his desk in the front lobby.

"This must be the last of the things in your office?"

"This is it!" Alex responded a little too excited.

"Fed-Ex picked up your packages, about mid-morning. They should be on their way to New York."

"Thank you for taking care of those."

"Of course. And most importantly, your special guest has arrived."

James took note of Alex's change in demeanor and how her smile widened at the mention of her guest.

"Ms. Benson is a lovely woman Ms. Alexandra, you weren't kidding about how beautiful she is."

"Isn't she?" Alex grinned, agreeing.

"Here let me help you get this box to your apartment."

"Oh, I'm fine. I've made it this far." Alex said appreciatively as she loaded the box back into her arms and stepped on the elevator.

Olivia heard the the lock turn and looked up from her phone to get her first glance of Alex walking through her front door.

Olivia jumped up to take the box from Alex's arms.

"Here let me help you!"

Alex willingly, handed over the box to Olivia and followed her to the open kitchen countertop.

As soon as Olivia sat down the box she reached Alex, embracing her tightly.

Alex fell into her arms, and against Olivia's body.

So this is what it felt like.

The someone waiting for you to come home.

"I've missed you," Olivia said still holding Alex.

"You feel so good," Alex said, not letting go.

Finally, they both pulled from their embrace but had yet to completely break from each other's arms.

"Your flight ok?"

"It was actually a pretty easy flight. Maybe you should stay in D.C., just visit me in New York."

Alex playfully shoved Olivia away.

"What? What did I say?"

"Ha ha, Benson!"

Olivia grinned.

It seemed that both Alex and Olivia had settled into the thought of there being a "them".

"Not that there was any doubt, but this is a beautiful apartment."

Alex looked around at her now mostly packed up apartment.

"It seems more beautiful with you in it."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Olivia teased.

"Um have you walked around?"

"Actually, I just sat my stuff down and made myself at home on the couch.

Tried to catch up on emails…"

"Well, how about the grand nickel tour and then I'll change out of this suit."

Alex looked around. "Where is your stuff?"

"Oh, actually you passed it in the entry way."

Alex made her way to retrieve Olivia's bag, throwing it over her shoulder.

"Al, I can get that."

"I got it, I got it," Alex insisted, then taking Olivia's hand in hers.

Olivia followed.

"This is, or was my office."

Olivia looked around.

A modern desk, much different than the large mahogany desks Olivia was used to seeing Alex behind.

A chair… the rest were boxes.

"I told you a quick tour… this, for at least a few more nights, is my bedroom." Alex said making her way in, letting Olivia follow.

She sat Olivia's bag near the door of the closet.

Olivia stood in the large bedroom, one that was in great contrast to most bedrooms in New York City apartments.

"Wow Alex, you really do have a great view," Olivia said walking over to theFrenchh doors that opened to a small balcony that overlooked the city streets."

Alex stood watching Olivia, "yeah the view really is great."

Olivia turned to see Alex's eyes only on her.

Olivia blushed and walked towards Alex's luxurious looking bed, piled with pillows and with a down comforter that was magazine worthy.

"Bathroom is the door to the left, closest to the right… Sit, I'll change," Alex instructed.

Olivia sat initially on the edge of Alex's bed.

Alex had made her way into her closet but didn't stop the conversation.

Olivia moved further on to the bed realizing she could get small glances of Alex.

"There's a great little Italian restaurant here in Georgetown, I would love to take you to if you're up for Italian."

Olivia could care less if she had eaten Italian every day for a week as long as she was with Alex.

"Sounds great. Do I need to change?"

Alex emerged from her closet in dark jeans and a half buttoned, white button down.

"No, you're perfect. It's nothing fancy, just one of my favorite places."

Olivia watched Alex finish buttoning the buttons on her shirt, the lace of her black bra disappearing.

"Then I thought we could just walk around a bit." Alex continued. "I'll show you around some of my favorite neighborhoods, and it wouldn't hurt to walk off the Chicken Parmesan."

Olivia laughed, "sounds good."

"Ok, I just need to find shoes…"

Olivia looked down to Alex's bare feet.

Her bright blue toenails, surprising Olivia a bit.

"I like the toenail color."

"You're thinking it's not very Alex Cabot."

"I'm thinking I like that you still surprise me."

Alex walked towards Olivia purposefully close enough against the bed to slide between her legs.

"Oh, I'm full of things that will surprise you."

Olivia swallowed hard, her hands went to the side of Alex's jean clad hips, looping her fingers into one of Alex's belt loops.

Alex's deep blue eyes boring into Olivia's brown eyes.

Quiet and palpable.

The silence between then was palpable.

Alex wanted to touch Olivia so badly. Pull her gray v-neck sweater over her head, tousle the loose curls of her perfect silky hair and ravish her.

"Um, we should… we should probably…"

"Um yeah, yeah we should," Olivia agreed, removing her hands from Alex's hips.

"I'm, I'm almost ready," Alex said making her way to the bathroom.

Now, standing in front of Alex's vanity in her bathroom, they both seamlessly applied a fresh coat of mascara or lipstick.

"I love that color on you," Olivia said, as she watched Alex transform her neutral lips to red.

"I know," Alex replied grinning. 

"I guess I stare at your lips."

"I've caught you a time or two, but I like that you stare at my lips. I refer to this lipstick as my Olivia red."

"You do not!" Olivia grinned.

"I've been wearing the same color for years. I wouldn't have dared changed it. I liked the way it made you stare at me."

"It's not just your lips ya know."

Alex turned to Olivia.

She reached out running the tip of her finger across the gold charm on Olivia's necklace that laid gently against her chest.

Alex's finger slid below the charm, daringly touching the tip of where Olivia's full breasts met.

Alex's eyes followed her own fingers and then back to Olivia's eyes that were watching her intently.

Neither caring to breathe.

"It's not just your lips either ya know."

Olivia's eyes clenched shut.

She could feel how wet she had become from another round of this little game she and Alex were playing.

"Dinner. We probably go, to dinner." Olivia suggested, once again trying to keep them on track.

Alex licked her red lips, pleased, knowing she was slightly torturing Olivia.

Slightly torturing herself.

"I'm ready when you are."

"I'll be just a second."

Alex left Olivia standing alone in the bathroom, giving them both the chance to um gather themselves.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"Ms. Cabot, lovely to see you this evening. Your usual table ok for you and your beautiful guest?"

Alex turned to Olivia to make sure she was fine with the arrangements.

When Olivia nodded, Alex placed her hand at the small of Olivia's back guiding her to the back of the restaurant.

Such a simple gesture sent goosebumps throughout Olivia's body.

"Thank you, Marco, Alex said with a polite smile.

They sat.

"I like this place. It's cozy," Olivia said looking around.

"Isn't it. I come here alot when I want to sort of hide away. Have a peaceful meal without the hustle and bustle. They're always so kind and attentive and they let me drink my wine in peace."

"You come here alone?" Olivia asked.

"I do. Sometimes I just need quiet, but don't want to go home."

"I hope I'm not ruining your peaceful little place. You probably won't be back here for a while."

"Actually, Francesca who has yet to make an appearance will be pleased that I have a guest."

"Francesca?"

"She owns the restaurant. She'll usually sit with me for a bit. We chat, she always asks why I don't bring anyone."

"You've never brought anyone here?"

"Only you."

Olivia gave a shy smile, "I'm honored to be your guest. I'm surprised that you didn't bring a date, or a colleague... "

"You're the only one worthy I guess," Alex said a little too seriously.

Olivia was once again biting her lip.

"Do you like Italian Reds? I have a couple of favorites…"

"You usually make excellent wine choices, so whatever you think."

"You know I come here enough, I always have great wine, a great meal, but I'm suddenly nervous that this place won't impress you."

"Alex," Olivia said reaching for her hand across the small table. "You have immaculate taste in well, everything," Olivia said sincerely. "I know anything you like, I will too."

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand.

Alex unabashedly continued to delicately hold Olivia's hand when the waiter, Alex called by name, came and she ordered an Italian Red.

"Very sexy."

"What?"

"The way you're revered."

"I told you I come here often," Alex dismissed.

"Not just here," Olivia said playing with Alex's pointer finger.

Alex rolled her eyes, but only because she was bit embarrassed.

"I like that you exude confidence. That you're polite, that you're thoughtful, but you can be so damn powerful."

Alex leaned in her attention to only Olivia.

"I can say the same for you," Alex said cocking her left brow upward, "You're like Wonder Woman."

Olivia laughed quietly, blushing, "Wonder Woman huh?"

"Well I've never actually seen your lasso and sword, but the badge and gun," Alex paused, grinning.

Olivia pulled her hand away as the waiter, opened and with Alex's approval, poured two glasses of wine for her and Olivia. "Will you be needing some more time?"

Alex knew neither she nor Olivia had given the menu a second thought. But Alex again deferred to Olivia.

"Maybe another few minutes Antonio? I don't think we're in a rush." Olivia said speaking up, giving her million dollar smile, and referring to the waiter by his name as Alex did.

Antonio smiled, spellbound by Olivia. He nodded politely, letting the two return to their conversation.

"See, Wonder Woman," Alex grinned.

"I asked him to come back in a minute to take our order!"

"He's under your spell!"

"Oh, he is?"

"Yes, like me. He can't resist."

Olivia felt Alex's hand on her knee and she responded by leaning in closer.

"You seemed to have resisted me pretty well all of these years," Olivia teased.

Alex's hand slid a little further towards Olivia's thigh.

"Honestly, I've just put on a good front, when I've wanted no one and nothing but you," Alex confessed.

"You really know how to compliment, make a woman blush."

"They aren't just compliments liv, I've truly wanted you for so long." Alex said honestly.

"But we didn't."

"I'm not sure we could have."

"The timing."

"Yeah, I have to believe that."

"But here we are."

"Yeah, here we are."

"And you're driving me crazy like you always have, just now you know it."

Olivia leaned back in her chair, picking up her menu, having to put space between her and Alex, before she made an inappropriate scene there in the restaurant.

Olivia looked down at the menu, knowing Alex was watching her.

"I love knowing that I drive you crazy," she grinned. "You mentioned the Chicken Parm was good?"

Alex let out a little laugh, shaking her head.

AOAOAOAOAOAO 

After dinner, Olivia and Alex strolled the surrounding neighborhood and eventually made their way back to Alex's apartment.

"Dinner was great, and the stroll definitely helped."

"Yeah, told you. You definitely need a walk after having that meal!"

"You don't typically walk by yourself do you?" Olivia asked protectively.

Alex smiled, "No not typically. Well, at least not that far."

"How about we get comfortable and I'll make us a whiskey on the rocks for a digestif," Alex suggested.

"That sounds like a plan."

When Olivia immerged, Alex playfully made a disappointing face at the more fitted tank and the fact that Olivia was still wearing her bra and a pair of fitted sweatpants.

"What?" Olivia asked looking down at herself.

"That's not THE tank top." Alex grinned.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Alex I was mortified that the only thing I had to put on was that tank top and those shorts!"

"Olivia Benson you looked hot as hell in that tank top and short. I thought I made that pretty clear."

Olivia laughed.

Actually, Alex had made that pretty clear.

"I mean not that I don't appreciate seeing you in this ensemble, it just leaves more to the imagination."

Olivia walked up to Alex, giving Alex a better view of her breast slightly spilling out of this more form fitting version of her loungewear.

She followed Alex's eyes.

"You were saying?"

"You're are the sexiest woman I've ever met." Alex blurted.

Olivia laughed taking one of the glasses of bourbon.

"I'll be on the couch waiting for you, Olivia called back."

Alex quickly made her way into the bedroom finding her own pair of pajama pants but with a fitted t-shirt. A fitted t-shirt that rose just enough above the waist of her pajama pants to raise interest.

Alex met Olivia on the couch.

Alex assessed where she would sit.

"How about right here?" Olivia asked as she patted the cushion next to her.

Alex obliged, actually sitting a bit closer than Olivia requested.

They sat facing each other, their knees touching the others.

"I'm so happy to be here with you," Olivia said sincerely, reaching for Alex's hand.

"I have to be honest it seems a little surreal that you're here with me. I've wanted you right here, just like this a million times."

"And that was the past, this is the present. I'm here with you now. No more wishing…"

"And we'll soon be in New York… together."

Olivia grinned, "yeah, we will."

Alex looked down at Olivia once again playing with her fingers, the back of her hand searing through her pajama bottoms to her thigh.

Alex searched Olivia's eyes.

Alex reached her free hand out to one of the waves in Olivia's hair and twirled it loosely around her finger.

The world had stopped, time didn't matter… nothing mattered.

Nothing but the woman sitting there in front of Alex.

Alex instinctively leaned in, and Olivia met her lips.

It was a simple kiss until Olivia lightly sucked Alex's bottom lip between her lips.

And the fire ignited.

Sweat rings formed around the bottom of the bourbon glasses abandoned on the glass table.

They were forgotten.

Olivia's tongue twisted with Alex's. 

Alex's hands gripped the bottom of Olivia's tank, teasing to touch the skin beneath.

They pulled apart to breathe.

"I've wanted…"

"And I want." Olivia interrupted.

Alex grinned, before kissing Olivia again, this time more rushed, this time not hesitating to let her hands roam under the hem of Olivia's shirt.

Alex felt Olivia pull her towards her. Alex stopped, looking at Olivia, lost in her eyes, lost in the buzz of the electricity between the two of them.

Alex stood up and Olivia looked at Alex disappointed.

"Alex, I…"

Alex placed her finger against Olivia's lips, before straddling her.

Olivia smiled, capturing Alex's lips again, her hands under Alex's t-shirt, running her hand up and down Alex's sides, teasing, stopping before she made it to Alex's breast.

Alex leaned back breaking their kiss. She looked at Olivia's body below her.

She reached for the edges of Olivia's tank, now holding Olivia's gaze.

Olivia leaned forward just enough giving Alex room to lift the shirt over her head.

Alex hands immediately went to Olivia's blush colored bra, squeezing Olivia's full, silk covered breasts in her palms.

Alex's lips went to Olivia's neck, Alex then slid Olivia's bra strap down her right shoulder, where she continued to place small tingling kisses.

Olivia's hands reached for Alex's hips under the waist of her pajama bottoms.

"Don't stop," Alex whispered against the lobe of Olivia's ear. "Please don't stop."

Olivia didn't.

Alex lifted her hips off of Olivia, standing in front of her. Olivia leaned up pulling Alex's pajama bottoms down her hips until Alex could step out of them.

Olivia ran her hands up and down the back of Alex's bare thighs, to her bare cheeks, then over her black lacy thong.

Alex leaned in hovering over Olivia, kissing her, Olivia silently begging for them to reconnect, for Alex to be back in her lap.

Alex reached for the waist of Olivia's sweat pants, tugging Olivia's sweats down, off and discarded to the floor.

Alex grinned eyeing Olivia's gray silk panties.

"You… are…" climbing back on top of Olivia, "so fucking… beautiful."

Alex's lips crashed back into Olivia's, hands roamed.

Olivia's hands slid again under Alex's t-shirt to her bare breasts, palming, squeezing, gently pinching her hard nipples between her fingers.

Olivia then pulled Alex's shirt over her head, leaving her topless.

"Perfect, God you're soperfect," Olivia said as she took in Alex's bare breast for the first time.

They kissed again.

They kissed, one being different and deeper than the last.

"Alex…"

Alex stopped, looking to Olivia.

"Bed."

Alex smiled devilishly, knowing it wasn't a question.

She slowly made her way to standing, reaching for Olivia, to guide her to bed.

Covers pushed aside, Alex slid herself across the bed never taking her eyes from Olivia.

This time it was Olivia who straddled Alex, taking off her bra, Alex's mouth immediately locked around Olivia's nipple, licking and sucking.

Olivia's hand slid down Alex's body, pushing Alex's thong to the side as she slid her finger across Alex's sex.

Alex moaned and Olivia grinned pleased with how wet she had made her.

Olivia pulled Alex's panties from her leaving her completely naked.

"I've imagined you for so long," Olivia said as she ran her fingers up and down Alex's body, kissing her skin at every chance.

They were finally there together, neither wanted to rush through their first time. Every touch, every taste, they wanted to savor.

Alex reached for Olivia panties, slowly pulling them down her thighs.

Alex reached between Olivia's legs coating her fingers, "I want to taste you, Liv, let me taste you," She almost begged.

Alex took her time, licking and touching until Olivia came.

And Olivia determined to hear Alex say her name at the height of her orgasm did just that.

They had pleasured each other, made love, fulfilling what they had both wanted so desperately all these years.

Covered in a light sheen of perspiration, they still lay wrapped in each other's arms, their bodies twisted together.

Their breathing had slowed, their heartbeats returned to a steady rhythm.

Alex kissed Olivia slowly, as Olivia drew soothing circles on Alex's skin.

"Liv?" Olivia looked at Alex, moving the strands of blonde hair from her cheek. "Can we do this forever?"

Olivia smiled, pulling Alex's hand against her bare chest, "I hope so."


	8. Chapter 8

A little chapter before the holiday :)

 **8.**

Alex had been back in New York for a week and she had managed to unpack the coffee maker, two coffee cups, and find the work clothes she deemed worthy of her first week as Chief ADA.

The rest of the time she had spent in bed, on the floor, the couch, the shower, the counter top… with Olivia Benson.

There were no regrets.

Ok, maybe one regret, the one where she had to leave the goddess that is Olivia Benson in her bed to be said, Chief ADA.

One of the two coffee cups, filled with coffee sat on her bathroom sink.

Alex stood in front of the mirror in her new bathroom, looking back at herself.

She stood there in nothing but a pair of underwear, and Olivia's faded Sienna college t-shirt, she had worn home the morning before. Her hair tousled, her eyeliner smudged into that smokey eye look she so desperately had tried to recreate for "nights out"...

The usually impeccably pulled together attorney was a mess.

A heart pounding, happy, freshly fucked, mess.

The job was good. She would settle in. She would be the Alexandra Cabot everyone expected her to be and more.

What she hadn't really planned, was being Chief ADA Alexandra Cabot while simultaneously being madly in love.

"Good morning."

The raspy voice of very naked Olivia appeared behind her, wrapping her arms around her.

Alex grinned, sinking into Olivia.

Olivia's lips were already making their way down Alex's jaw line.

"Morning baby," Alex said, extending her neck, hoping Olivia would continue her trail of kisses. "I made coffee."

"Mmmm… what time did we fall asleep?" Olivia kissed.

"I think around 3."

"Mmmm, I guess a lazy Saturday is out of the question?"

"No day off for you Lieutenant, you're helping me unpack today."

Olivia's hands were now unapologetically cupping Alex's bare breast below her t-shirt.

"I love this t-shirt on you." Olivia said ignoring her impending "honey do" list.

"Flashback of some blonde in your college dorm room Benson?"

"I fucking wish I had you in my dorm room. Then again, I certainly would have failed out of college."

Alex laughed, "I was just thinking about work and how I'm desperately trying to be attorney extraordinaire while simultaneously planning how I am going to get back into your pants."

"Ohh I like, Attorney by day, sexy vixen by night," Olivia teased. "I think that means we should go back to bed and get it out of our system!"

"No way Benson! Focus."

"But we're naked!"

"You're naked! And though I want to scold myself for even suggesting you get dressed, I have to do some unpacking."

"Can we just hire someone to unpack for you? I know for certain you didn't actually pack your apartment in D.C."

"One, you're starting to sound like me, and two I packed some things, you saw me do it!" Alex protested.

"Ok, ok… how about I run home, grab some clothes, pick us up some breakfast and we'll tackle the unpacking."

Alex turned pulling Olivia back against her, leaning in for another kiss.

"Thank you, baby," Alex said grinning.

Olivia took a deep breath, "like you didn't know I would do anything for you."

"I love that about you," Alex teased, gripping Olivia's ass with both hands.

It was Olivia's turn to smile, kissing Alex one last time.

"As soon as I find my underwear I'll be out of here..."

"You go search for them I'll watch you!"

"So bad Cabot, bad!" Olivia said walking away.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"Where have you been? I've gotten like three vague responses via text from you since you got back from D.C.!" Carrie shrieked.

"I've had a busy week!" Olivia said holding the phone between her cheek and her shoulder as she gathered her purchases in her hands.

"Doing what? Cabot?"

Olivia paused.

"Are you grinning? Did you just pause to grin?" Carrie teased.

"Maybe."

"So you and Cabot are gettin' it on, doin' the nasty!"

"God, Carrie!"

"Just tell me it's amazing, mind blowing! Tell me her body is sick and she's the best fuck you ever had!"

"She's amazing, mind blowing, her body is so sick and God, yes she is the best fuck I've ever had!" Olivia shot back.

"Well now I'm hurt, no, no I'll let that go. It's because you're all in love and shit that the sex is so amazing…"

"And don't forget her sick body."

Carrie laughed.

"So when do I get to meet the incomparable Alexandra Cabot?"

"Soon! Very soon... And I have to teach you censorship before you can meet Alex, and I have to prepare Alex before she has the pleasure of encountering you!"

"You have all the jokes, Benson! I'll behave I promise!"

"I know, I know. I'll set up drinks, dinner something soon."

"Alright, I'll let you get back to your lover."

"Hey, Carrie…"

"Yeah?"

"I love you and I miss you too."

"I love you. I'll see you soon."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

"Al?! Where are you?"

"In the closet!" Alex yelled back.

Olivia made her way to the bedroom, "Hey babe," Olivia said looking the mess that surrounded Alex. "You know the goal is to put things away?"

"Yeah, I seemed to have trapped myself in the closet."

"Well, If you keep doing to me, what you have been doing to me in the last week you definitely don't have to be worried about being trapped in the closet!"

Alex laughed heartily, but still managed to throw a shoe at Olivia.

"Hey!" Olivia exclaimed, dodging a Gucci. "Well, I'm glad I brought rations!"

Olivia began to step over the growing pile of clothes and shoes, handing Alex the already opened bottle of champagne.

"You brought champagne?"

"Mimosa's actually, I figured if we're in it to win it…"

"What if I get tipsy and I forget what I'm doing and we end of having sex instead?"

"That question feels premeditated Councilor."

"Well, I have yet to put on pants…"

Olivia laughed, making room beside Alex on the closet floor for their impromptu picnic.

Olivia handed Alex a mimosa in a solo cup. "To being trapped in the closet," Olivia said grinning.

Alex playfully growled, before clinking her cup with Olivia's.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia.

"I had to know what champagne tastes like on your lips. Actually, get used to it. I have to know what everything tastes like on your lips."

Olivia blushed, tugging at the edge of the Sienna t-shirt, pulling Alex towards her, kissing Alex again.

Alex smiled.

"What? I needed to know what champagne tasted like on you too."

"Mmmmm."

"Ok, what's first on my to-do list?"

Alex sat back up, accessing her surroundings.

"If you want you can organize and put away my shoes on those shelves. I figured you would prefer that, and I actually prefer having a view of that booty in those yoga pants in action."

"Win-win." Olivia laughed going for the closest box labeled shoes.

"So Tucker?" Alex asked curiously.

Olivia stopped, turning to Alex.

"What?" Alex asked, judging the look on Olivia's face.

"I wasn't exactly expecting that question."

"Well, I'm curious."

"About me and Tucker?"

"Yeah, I mean how did you guys end up together?"

Olivia knew Alex was digging for something and she wasn't going to let this go.

"We just… It started innocently enough. He asked me to have a drink with him, then we had another... He understood what I had been through, what I was going through at the time..."

"Like Lewis?"

A lump instantly swelled in Olivia's throat.

She and Alex hadn't spoken about Lewis.

Olivia never spoke about Lewis.

"Yeah, like Lewis. And becoming Lieutenant, having to be in charge and all the pressure that comes with it. Believe it or not, Tucker is a really sensitive and patient man."

"I'm glad he was there for you Liv. It sounds like he was really great for you."

"He was, at the time, he was."

"So why did you break up?"

"We were headed in two different directions. He was ready to retire and sit on a beach and I wasn't. It wasn't some dramatic break-up, we had just run our course and it was over."

"So what was it like when your squad found out you were with Tucker?"

"It wasn't easy at first, people didn't like Tucker. Or at least who they thought he was. But they came around."

"What do you think they would say if they found out you and I are together."

"Well…Fin would say he saw it coming." Olivia grinned. "And Amanda likes you and Carisi doesn't know you…"

Olivia absentmindedly slid on a pair of Alex's black Jimmy Choo pumps. And Alex paused to watch her.

Alex loved that she knew (and most people didn't) that Olivia was shoe obsessed.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we "in the closet"?"

Olivia stopped, pulling the shoes from her feet.

"Is this a literal or figurative question?" Olivia asked half kidding.

Alex rolled her eyes. "I'm being serious!"

"If you're asking if I have any reservations about people knowing I'm with you, I don't.

"None?"

Olivia sat back down on the floor beside Alex.

"Alex, I like my private life to be private. Well, as private as it can be. But, eventually, people are going to find out that I'm madly in love with you," Olivia said taking Alex's hand. "So it's left up to you, you're the one with the political aspirations, the one that wants to sit in the DA chair. As archaic as I may think it is, some people still have an issue with who you're sleeping with."

"What if I said something crazy like if that were the case, I'd rather be with you than be DA."

"Then I would say you ARE crazy! Your career means everything to you!"

Alex reached, cupping Olivia's face, "not everything, not anymore."

"Alex, I want you to be happy. And I will do anything to be what makes you happy, but your job, being an attorney makes you happy too."

"You're right it does. It does make me happy, but it's not everything. I had to learn that the hard way because I thought my career was the most important, and Liv I was so alone… Without you, I was so alone."

Olivia pulled Alex's hand from her cheek and pressed it against her chest, so Alex could feel her heart pounding.

"Ok, so we'll figure out how to balance it all, cause I'm not going anywhere, Alex," Olivia assured her.

"I guess I just want you to understand how important you are to me, that having you in my life is a priority, that I've wasted too much time, given too many excuses… And I'm somewhere between shouting it from my rooftop to wanting to keep you all to myself. "

"And I feel the same. I'm in love with you, I can finally say that to you. And I want everyone to know, but I don't want anyone to burst this little bubble. But eventually, we'll have to deal with it in some form or another."

"This may feel rushed, maybe this conversation is too heavy for our new status, but I'm… I'm happy. I'm so disgustingly happy."

Olivia grinned, understanding, "I know babe, me too."

Alex sat up on All fours, leaning in to kiss Olivia passionately.

"I can't get enough of you," Alex said, her fingers now grazing Olivia's center.

They kissed harder, faster, Alex slipped her hand down the front of Olivia's yoga pants.

Alex moaned feeling how wet Olivia already was.

"God, baby yes," Alex whispered as she began to move her two fingers back and forth over Olivia's clit.

Olivia rocked herself over Alex's hand causing more friction, her hands now tangled in Alex's hair.

She couldn't stop and Alex wouldn't dare.

"Baby please."

Olivia was on edge.

Their eyes locked.

"Baby I'm gonna come!"

"Let go, just let go, come for me!" Alex begged, desperately wanting to throw Olivia over the edge.

"Baby…" was the last thing Olivia said before she came.

Alex fingers slowed, not pulling away until Olivia grabbed her arm, silently asking for mercy.

"Alex, bed please, please let me have you."

Alex kissed Olivia again, giving permission before making their way to bed.

The Jimmy Choos would have to wait.


	9. Chapter 9

Well, I wrote a whole chapter, then decided that was not what I wanted to happen next and this chapter fell out on top of it on the page…

Thanks for your reviews. I love the comments I've been getting about this more mature AO and how they are handing their relationship. I'm glad you guys have picked up on that!

9.

"Alex?"

Alex didn't look up from her yellow legal pad when her assistant called her name through the phone's speaker.

"Yes?" She answered her mind still clearly focus on her own thoughts and what she was writing.

"Judge Elizabeth Donnelly is here to see you."

Alex looked over to the phone.

"Oh, please send her in."

Dropping her pen, Alex stood from her desk, opening her office door, awaiting Donnelly's arrival.

Over the years Liz had not only become Alex's friend but also her confidant, especially after Alex came back from Witness Protection. Since Alex had left New York, they had stayed in touch, particularly when Alex needed a professional ear to bend.

"Liz," the surprise still in Alex's voice.

"Alexandra," Liz said, a smile appearing on her face.

She and Alex gave each other a warm hug.

"I had to come down and see for myself that you were back."

"In the flesh," Alex grinned, closing the door and motioning for Liz to sit on the new couch that had not long been delivered to her new office.

"Settling in I see," Liz said looking around as she took a seat.

"Things have been a bit hectic starting out, but I'm getting into the groove," Alex said sitting, taking a seat on the far cushion of the couch.

"I have to be honest, I was a bit shocked you took this job. After the last time we spoke, I thought you were at least heavily considering running for District Attorney in D.C., and it sounded like you were a shoe in."

"I was heavily considering it, but then I got the offer to come back to New York."

"Alex, they wanted you as DA."

"And I wanted to come back to New York," Alex shot back.

"I know we don't speak regularly, but you didn't ever mention wanting to come back to the city."

"I may not have relayed how much I missed New York. D.C. just never felt like home to me."

"Is that the only thing you missed?"

"What do you mean?" Alex asked shifting on the couch.

"Just giving up a chance at the coveted DA chair in D.C. doesn't seem like a decision you would make. And because you missed New York? You can easily visit... I've been just a bit perplexed at you decision that's all."

"Yes, I know I've made it clear over the years that being DA was what I had my sights set on, so yes, it was the opportunity I had been waiting for, but the truth is I was just presented the position in the wrong city. Personally, I was wasn't happy in D.C.," Alex stood up from the couch. "I was lonely Liz, and becoming DA wasn't going to fix that."

"And there was no one in D.C. to keep you company? I mean Alex, what about that attorney you were seeing? Mark, Mathew…"

"Michael. And that was short lived..."

"Ok, but you can understand why I don't see this as a very "Alex Cabot" move?" Liz asked, her eyes following Alex.

"Liz, I missed my friends, I missed New York, and yes I know it was a huge opportunity to maybe become DA but I wasn't happy, I was out of place, I never felt like I was apart of that city…"

Liz contemplated, watching Alex make another turn across her office floor.

"So is there is someone in particular here that you think can cure your loneliness?" Liz prodded.

"I didn't say that."

"No, you didn't. But have you re-connected with anyone since you've been back?"

Alex stopped pacing.

Liz's eyes widened as she waited for an answer.

"You can say her name Liz."

"Oh, I didn't know if I was allowed to say her name without you doing your denial dance."

"My denial dance?" Alex asked, looking offended.

"Oh come on Alex! You and Benson have been flirting, fighting, and pining after each other for what, decades?"

Alex shoved her hands in her pant pockets, showing her nervousness.

"Yes, we've reconnected."

"And?"

"And we agreed it had been too long, and, and it's new..."

"New? Oh my god!" Liz teased. "Are you two officially together?"

"Yeah... we're together."

It was the first time Alex has said that aloud.

"So you finally got your head out of your ass!"

"Liz! Wow!"

"Look, Alex, your happiness means the world to me. And I think Benson may be the only person I've ever seen you truly happy with. Or at least that you have ever let go with."

"That's a pretty bold statement."

"Were you not, are you not happiest when you're with her?"

Alex broke down and smiled, "Yeah, I am."

"So you moved back for her?" Liz asked, with a motherly tone she sometimes tended to take with Alex. "You didn't run for DA and you come back to New York and profess your love to Olivia?"

"Those were not exactly my direct intentions…"

"What would you have done if she didn't reciprocate your feelings?"

"It didn't matter, I wanted to come back to New York." Alex was sticking with her story. "Everything I had that was familiar, is here."

"So you would have been fine having your familiar friends around you, including just your friend Olivia?"

"I'm not a robot Liz. Despite the way some may remember me, I have feelings and emotions. I mean I'm still Alexandra Cabot the attorney, I just need more. I'm not that young anymore, just being an attorney doesn't fulfill everything."

"No, no it doesn't. And I'm just being overly protective of you." Liz said standing, facing Alex. "And I guess I'm just not used to you making decisions about your love life over your career."

"So obviously you think I should have stayed in D.C. and become DA?"

"No, I'm not saying that all. I'm just checking up on you. Like I said, I guess I'm just protective of you, and when I heard you were coming back to New York…"

"You didn't know what I was thinking."

"No, I didn't. But you are a woman who can have it all. You deserve to have it all."

"Liz, I'm happy to be back in New York. I'm happy with this job so far, and who knows what's in the future. What I do know right now is that I get the opportunity to be with the woman I'm miserable without. And yes, my little fantasy of coming back here, Olivia feeling the same way, it did come true. But I know who I am…"

"I'm happy for you, I am. And I am happy you're with Olivia. You both have been through too much for several lifetimes. You deserve to have each other, to be in love."

"Liz, I'm in love." Alex confirmed.

Liz leaned in hugging Alex again.

"How about we all have dinner soon?"

"That sounds perfect." Alex grinned.

"Ok back to work Chief…. If you need me..."

"I call you even if I don't," Alex assured.

Lix smiled, "Welcome back," she said before making her way out.

Alex slid back into her chair, noticing that it was now well after six.

She knew Olivia was still at work.

Early that morning Olivia had been called in for a break in a case she and her squad had been working on for weeks.

Not wanting to bother, much less having time to chat, Alex hadn't spoken to Olivia since their mumbled goodbye's before the sun was fully up that morning.

And real life was bound to set in, and they knew that. They also both knew that sending flowers and stopping by the station, and lunch hour excursion... weren't exactly conducive to either of their schedules or the fact that they were keeping their relationship under wraps, at least for the time being.

Alex said goodnight to her assistant and took off her heels, under her desk.

She finally had a chance to pick up her phone.

 _Alex: "Exhausted?"_

 _A few moments later a text reply came from Olivia._

 _Liv: "Keeping eyelids open with toothpicks :P"_

 _Alex grinned._

 _Alex: "Sorry babe. I hope you're not staying there tonight"_

 _Liv: "Probably a few more hours, can't see much else happening tonight"_

 _Alex: "Mind if I meet you in your bed later?"_

 _Liv: "I want nothing more. But can't promise what time"_

 _Alex: "I have plenty of work to keep me busy. Be there when you get there."_

Liv: "Rollins is getting suspicious.. wondering why I have this smile on my face"

Alex: "I love to make you smile. I'll see you tonight, and if it's late, don't you dare not wake me."

Liv: "Promise I will. 3"

Alex: "3"

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

It was after 11:00 when Olivia walked through her dark apartment, flinging her already discarded blazer over the back of a chair, and making her way to her bedroom.

As promised, Alex was waiting for her, buried under the covers, her legal pad and her iPad.

"Mmm a sight for sore eyes," Olivia said leaning in capturing Alex's lips.

"Hi baby," Alex said shoving her work to the side so she could uncover herself.

"You don't have to get up…"

"I'm just going help you get undressed," Alex said her eyes sparkling behind her glasses.

"Oh well in that case." Olivia said waiting patiently as Alex made her way towards her.

Alex stood on her knees now at the side of the bed, already unbuckling Olivia's belt, Alex slid her hands between the now open waist of Olivia pants and down her thighs, dropping her pants to the floor. She pulled Olivia's shirt over her head.

"I'm glad we don't work together anymore because now that I know what is underneath your clothes, there is no way I would ever be able to focus again..."

Olivia grinned.

Alex undid Olivia's bra and messaged her breasts.

"Mmmm" Olivia moaned, her eyes closed.

"Ok, sleepy head. I'm going to clean off the bed, and be waiting to hold you," Alex said softly.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said disappearing into the bathroom.

When Olivia returned, in Alex's "favorite tank top", she slid into bed, and as promised into Alex's arms.

"Everything ok with you today?" Olivia asked groggily, reeling in Alex's long limbs wrapped around her.

"Actually, Liz Donnelly stopped by."

"That had to be a nice surprise."

"It was, it was nice to catch up. I told her about us, I hope that was ok."

"Of course it is. I know you two are close."

"She wants to have dinner with us soon."

"That sounds good."

They lay there in the dark, now in silence. Alex's nails circed Olivia's back, easily soothing her to sleep.

Alex thought about her and Liz's conversation as she looked at the woman lying next to her in her arms.

No, it wasn't a decision that Alex typically would have made. No, she typically would not have chosen her heart over her her career.

But it was time that she did.


	10. Chapter 10

I think delirium kicked in while I was writing this. Sorry it took me so long… -Mel

Ch. 10

"Fuck!" was the last thing Olivia heard Alex say before she came.

Olivia slid out from under the covers, her eyes fixated watching Alex as the last of her orgasm streaked through her body.

Olivia grinned.

She loved Alex from this view.

She began kissing Alex's naked torso.

She would never get enough.

He lower belly, circling her belly button, her tongue swiping the underside of Alex's left breast while she palmed the right...

She would never get enough of Alex's body, the taste of her skin.

She felt Alex's hand at the back of her head, tangling her fingers in her hair.

"Mmmm baby." Alex managed, lost in the euphoria Olivia had decided to wake her with.

It had now been almost a month since Alex had been back in New York and her job, her schedule was relentless. And Olivia's was none too accommodating.

Reality was settling in, but so were Olivia and Alex.

Everything they had waited for, they had wanted, was right there in bed.

Olivia now hovered over Alex her lower half still between Alex's legs.

Her long brunette hair brushing against Alex's skin.

Alex now stared at the beautiful brunette, mesmerized at how she could possibly be more beautiful with no makeup and tousled hair.

"Good morning," Olivia said slyly.

"So good." Alex grinned.

"Sorry I woke you."

Alex laughed, "you can wake me up like that anytime."

"I couldn't resist AND you were already naked!"

"I was already naked because you pouted when I tried to put a t-shirt on last night!"

"I like you naked. You have an insanely hot body!"

"I think you're a bit biased."

"Biased about you yes, but I'm telling the truth about your body. All these years I thought about… mmmph…" Olivia said with a smirk.

"You thought about what exactly?" Alex said, pushing Olivia abruptly to the side and making her way on top of her, taking control.

Alex's wet core now pressed against Olivia's own bare stomach.

"Well, I've thought about these," Olivia said as she reached for one of Alex's hard, pale nipples, fingering it gently. "And these," she said, lightly scraping her fingernails up the back of Alex's thigh. "And I've thought about…" Olivia didn't finish her sentence only pressed Alex's core further against her.

Alex leaned in kissing Olivia, this time more heatedly.

She was turned on again.

She slid down Olivia's body, kissing all of the skin she could, her fingers quickly finding Olivia's wet center and dragging two fingers down towards Olivia's opening.

"What you do to me…" Olivia stating the obvious.

"What I'm about to do to you," Alex said, pushing the covers away. "Watch me baby,"

Olivia could have came right then, seeing her girlfriend lick her lips before she went down on her.

Alex heaved herself against the mattress beside Olivia.

The comforter, the sheets long gone.

They lay there beside each other, trying to regain a normal rhythm of heartbeats and breaths.

Satisfied.

Olivia rolled over to her side, brushing Alex's long blonde hair away from her face.

"I just want you to know I'm so happy."

Alex turned on her side to look at Olivia and the serious look on her face.

She reached, her finger drug across Olivia's lips, then lightly down the outline of her chin.

"I've never been more happy, " Alex said matching how serious Olivia seemed.

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex softly.

And Alex smiled.

"So what do you want to do today?"

"I was thinking brunch and then going to the farmer's market. I want to cook dinner tonight if that ok with you."

"You want to cook dinner?"

"I can cook!" Alex said rolling her eyes, "I took cooking classes while I was in Witness Protection…"

"I remember you mentioning that, but I didn't think you had actually put those skills to use since then."

"Actually, I would cook a lot while I was in D.C.. Obviously, I worked a lot too, but when I could, it was kind of therapeutic."

Olivia was grinning.

"What?"

"I don't know, I just like this domesticated side of you."

"I wouldn't say domesticated, I was just thinking something simple."

"You're so perfect."

"I'm not perfect!"

"You are to me."

Alex grinned, leaning over to kiss Olivia again.

"Wanna shower with me? I'll wash you back," Alex asked before sitting up in bed.

"Mmmm, I like this plan," Olivia said, now following Alex out of bed.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia and Alex sat outside of the cafe having brunch.

"This is nice. Honestly, I was waiting for you to break it to me that you needed to work today," Olivia said, sipping her latte.

"Nothing I can't put off until tomorrow afternoon." Alex said, abandoning her dandle to run her bare foot up Olivia's leg, under the small bistro table. "I just want to forget work for at least 24 hours and spend the day and night with you."

"I certainly won't object to that." Olivia said reaching, catching the back of Alex's calf, giving it a squeeze. "By the way, if I haven't mentioned how beautiful you look in that dress..."

"I saw you eyeing me earlier. I figured I had gained your approval."

"Not that you don't look beautiful in everything, but you look so sexy, and so relaxed."

"I can same the same for you in your jeans and your little white v-neck. You can wear a t-shirt like no other."

They both grinned, both unable to stop flirting.

"So do you have a plan for what you are making for dinner?"

"I was thinking maybe marinated chicken, some fresh veggies, maybe some couscous and tzatziki sauce…"

"That sounds amazing."

"So you're good with staying at my house tonight? I thought it would be nice to break in the new kitchen."

"Al, of course! I didn't assume that you would choose cooking in my tiny kitchen over your new gourmet kitchen!"

"I love being at your apartment Liv."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but your apartment is luxurious."

"You're luxurious," Alex said reaching across the table for Olivia's hand to give it a quick tug. "As long as I'm with you."

"Agreed," Olivia smiled. "You ready to get to shopping?"

"Yes, and I need to stop at Williams Sonoma and maybe Crate and Barrel… then Farmers market."

"I'm here to carry your bags Ms." Olivia teased as they got up from the table.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

1 trip to Williams Sonoma, 1 trip to Crate and Barrel, a quick stop in at an old bookstore, the Farmer's Market and then Whole Foods to get the rest of the items on Alex's menu…

Olivia and Alex were both loaded down from the day's excursions.

"Babe, I know it's a pain, but can we stop at my apartment? I need to get a few things. Let's get a cab and then we can walk to your apartment from mine."

Alex agreed and they caught a cab and then hauled their purchases up to Olivia's apartment.

"I'm going to put the stuff that needs to go in the fridge away while you get your stuff," Alex relayed already headed towards the kitchen with the bag from the market.

Olivia followed, placing everything on her kitchen counter and then making her way back to the bedroom.

Alex was sorting through things when Olivia's phone rang.

"Liv! You phone!"

There was no response from Olivia.

"Liv!"

Alex realized she must be in the bathroom.

Alex picked up Olivia's phone in case it was work.

The name "Carrie" appeared across the screen as the phone continued to ring.

Alex held the phone in her hand, until the it stopped ringing.

Carrie?

"Who is Carrie?" Alex mumbled.

Before Alex could sit Olivia's phone back down, the phone chirped and a text message appeared on the screen.

"Hey sexy, I miss you. How about we all do dinner? Next week?!"

Alex froze, staring at the words, reading them over and over…

Sexy… miss you...

"Hey, did you call me? I had to pee." Olivia said, not noticing Alex's change in demeanor.

"You um, you missed a call."

"Oh, did you see if it was work?"

"It wasn't work, or at least it wasn't a familiar name."

Alex watched Olivia, watched her expressions as she read her phone's screen.

1 Missed Call - Carrie

1 Text Message - "Hey sexy, I miss you. Let's all do dinner? This week?!"

Olivia's facial expressions didn't change. She didn't smile, she didn't seem overly engaged that someone had referred to her as "sexy" and told her that she missed her.

Olivia texted a back a reply and laid the phone back down on the counter.

"Anyone important?" Alex couldn't help but inquire.

"Oh just my friend Carrie," Olivia said nonchalantly as she was already occupied with combining their purchases to make their walk to Alex's easier.

"Oh… ok." Alex did prod and she wasn't sure why.

She wanted to know who Carrie was. Why she would call Olivia sexy. Why she missed her. And dinner? Did they have dinner? Was Olivia sleeping with her…

Was Olivia not as committed at she thought?

What the fuck was Olivia doing?

What the fuck was she doing?

"Alex?"

Olivia was standing there holding one of the bags out to Alex.

"Huh?"

"Will you carry this?" Olivia repeated.

"Oh, yeah, yeah."

"Where did you just go?"

"Um nowhere, sorry, just daydreaming."

Olivia let out a breathy laugh, "ok… you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

Olivia and Alex loaded up and headed out.

They had only made it about a block in a half before Alex made a dead stop.

"Alex?" Olivia questioned, concerned why Alex has stopped so abruptly.

Alex went to the side to get out of the way of the people now passing by.

She sat her bags down.

"Are you ok? Too heavy?" Olivia asked confused at Alex's actions.

"Who's Carrie?"

"What? Oh, she's a friend…"

"Just a friend?"

"What? Olivia asked confused.

"The text… The text "Carrie" sent you."

"Oh she was asking about dinner, I haven't seen her in a while and she was…"

"Liv, you allowed to see other women I mean we're not... we're not…" Alex stumbled.

"What? Alex what are you talking about?"

"Olivia it's fine!"

Tears clearly filming Alex's eyes, she picked up the bags and began to walk again leaving Olivia standing there stunned.

It wasn't until Alex felt Olivia's hand on the back of her bicep and the tug backwards, that Alex stopped again.

Alex looked down at Olivias hand on her arm.

"Alex, will you just let me explain?"

"Liv, I told you it's fine. You're allowed…"

"No, no I don't want to be allowed! Would you listen? Would you just let me tell you who Carrie is!"

"Liv I don't want to... I don't want to hear about some other woman. I don't want to think about you with some other woman. Obviously, I miss read what we are, where we are, and I feel like a fool and i just want to go home!"

"Alex! Stop! Carrie and I... we're not whatever it is you're thinking! We're just friends!"

"But she called you sexy, and she said she missed you, and dinner…"

"If you want to re-read the text, it says, 'we all get dinner…' Alex, she's dying to meet you."

"You're not sleeping with her?"

"Babe no… you're it for me."

"I am?" Alex questioned insecurely.

"Alexander Cabot!"

Alex bit her lip a bit embarrassed.

"But, you get why I jumped to conclusions."

"I can see why you did, and I'll explain everything when aren't standing in the middle of the sidewalk with chicken that needs to be marinated."

AOAOAOAOAOAOAO

They finally made it back to Alex's apartment, the rest of the walk a bit awkward to say the least with Alex's mostly apologizing for "freaking out".

And as promised Olivia was willing to answer any of Alex's questions, ridiculous ones or not.

"So how come you never mentioned Carrie before?" Alex said, standing at the kitchen counter, chopping vegetables.

"I don't know. She just never came up. When I'm with you I kind of forget the outside world."

"So were you two together?"

Olivia made a face.

"Mmm I wouldn't say together."

"Meaning?"

"We tried dating, it didn't work."

"Tried dating?" The attorney in Alex was going to question until she got her answer.

Interrogation tactics.

Olivia knew them well.

"We just slept together, to basically scratch the itch so to speak."

"You were fuck buddies!"

"Um yeah, basically, yeah."

"When's the last time you slept with her?"

"Alex…"

"It's just a question Liv."

Olivia shifted on the bar stool in front of Alex.

"The moment I knew there might be a possibility that you would be back in my life."

"Ok so pretty recently."

"Alex, she's my best friend. She's been there for me, she makes me forget the shit I deal with, with my job. She has nothing to do with being a cop or the law…. and yes she WAS my fuck buddy. But she also was and is now a really great friend."

Alex trew the chopped vegetables in the hot pan, contemplating her next question.

Olivia knew at this point it was better to just answer the questions, get the all out of the way.

"What does she do?"

"She's a Fashion Editor a Vogue."

"Are you kidding me?"

"What you don't think I can be friends with a Fashion Editor."

"I don't know, you just don't seem like you would tolerate a Fashion Editor from Vogue." Alex said, skipping over her comments of could this Carrie possible have a more glamorous job?

"She's a handful, funny, but a handful."

"How did you meet?"

"A birthday party of a mutual friend… We hit off."

"Is she beautiful?"

"Yes."

Again, just answer, get it out of the way.

"Like how beautiful?"

"Alex."

"Do you have a picture of her?"

Olivia let out out a slight huff, before retrieving her phone.

"Are you really going to be this ridiculous?"

"I'm curious, humor me. Besides I've already made an ass out of myself, thinking you're sleeping with her. Now picture…"

Olivia scrolled through her phone as Alex looked over her shoulder. "Hold on! I have to get past all the pictures I've obsessively took of you in the last month."

Alex rolled her eyes, but gave Olivia a slight grin.

Olivia held the phone out to Alex.

Alex's eyed widened.

"Oh God! She beautiful!"

"Not as beautiful as you babe," Olivia tried. 

"Shut up! She's a hot blonde in ridiculously expensive clothes and she funny and brilliant. Urgh! Liv!"

Olivia grinned looking at Alex.

"What! Why are you smiling like that!"

"Because, I obviously have a thing for hot blondes in expensive clothes who are funny and brilliant."

"I'm jealous."

"She's jealous."

"How could she be?"

"She's told me is. She thinks we're sickening. She thinks we're ridiculous… and she thinks you must be the most amazing woman in the world for all of these years to bring me to my knees."

"She knows our story."

"All of it. And Alex, Carrie is pretty much your number one fan."

"She is?"

"She knows I'm a madly in love with you. And she's the one when you came to New York that first weekend, insisted I call you back for drinks... I had gone on and on about you for years, she wasn't about to let me make the mistake of not calling you."

"She wants to have dinner?" Alex said her voice now calm.

"Per her text preferably next week."

"I'm gonna need something new to wear, I can't…"

"Something new, something old, you look fucking sexy and beautiful in everything."

Alex grinned, shaking her head.

Alex tended to what she was cooking. Flipping the chicken. Stirring the couscous.

"I can't believe I freaked out. I have never done that."

"I was a little worried there for a minute you weren't going to let me explain. But I'm sorry, I didn't mention Carrie before. I'm sorry I even let room for your mind to go there."

"Just the thought of us not being us, I, I…" 

"I know. And just to assure you, we ARE us. I meant what I said earlier Alex, you're it for me. There is no one else."

Alex walked around the counter, pulling Olivia into her.

"Sorry for being such a nut."

"Jealous Alex is a little scary," Olivia teased.

"Don't you forget that Benson!"


	11. Chapter 11

11.

Olivia waited outside on the sidewalk for Alex.

They were meeting Carrie for drinks that night, but later than originally planned. No one's job seemed to have wanted to cooperate with their plans and Olivia's worlds colliding.

But they all mutually agreed that no one wanted to reschedule.

Enough time had passed. It was time Carrie and Alex met.

Olivia grinned at the sight of Alex walking towards her.

"Wow!" Olivia said, immediately leaning in for a kiss. "You look incredible."

"Thanks, babe you look pretty damn incredible yourself,' Alex said, giving Olivia a once over.

"The office fairies brought a new dress?" Olivia said eyeing the unfamiliar red number.

"Online shopping, a very gracious and willing assistant, and a woman can work wonders."

Olivia leaned into Alex's ear, "I should send your assistant a thank you note."

Alex smiled satisfied that her girlfriend approved.

The truth was, Alex had agonized all week over what she would wear tonight.

Alex always wanted to get the reaction she did from Olivia. She also wanted to impress Olivia's best friend and former lover, who by chance was a Goddamned Fashion Editor.

To say she hadn't been somewhat of a crazed woman about this whole night was an understatement.

She trusted Olivia.

Despite her freak out and misunderstanding about the text, and initial introduction to Carrie, Olivia clarified and assured Alex that she was the only one she wanted, needed.

Alex trusted that.

But one Google search later, Alex couldn't help but feel a twinge of competition for her love's attention.

With no surprise, Carrie was beautiful, fashionable and indeed as Olivia described, seemed to be the life of the party.

"Ready to go in?" Olivia asked, "Carrie texted, said she was already at the bar."

Alex nodded, locking her fingers with Olivia, staking her claim as she followed her inside the restaurant.

"Liv!"

Alex was first to hear Olivia's name over the crowd and pointed out to Olivia the fellow blonde calling out her name.

Alex watched as Olivia and Carrie firmly embraced, kissing each other's cheeks.

"God! I missed you!"

"I've missed you too, I'm sorry I've been MIA…" Olivia moved to the side slipping her hand to the small of Alex's back, "Carrie, this is Alex Cabot."

Carrie immediately took Alex hand into hers, "I can't believe I'm finally meeting you!"

"It's great to meet you too," Alex smiled kindly, noticing instantly how warm and genuine Carie seemed.

"Alex, if you don't mind me saying, you are just as stunning as Liv told me you were!"

Alex said, "thank you" as she blushed slightly.

"And I mean Liv has gone on and ONNN for years about you!" Carrie teased.

"No shame," Olivia grinned. "And so worth the wait," she said leaning into Alex.

Alex looked over to Olivia, her eyes sparkling.

She couldn't believe this beautiful woman was hers.

All hers.

"You too are a kind of nauseating," Carrie grinned, "What do you two want to drink? Liv? Usual Rye on the rocks?"

"Yes, please."

"Alex?'

"A chardonnay sounds good."

Carrie turned towards the bar to get the bartender's attention and order Alex and Olivia drinks.

Olivia kissed Alex's cheek gently, "you're so beautiful."

At that moment if Olivia was trying to settle Alex's nerves, trying to assure Alex of just how in love she was...

It was working.

"Alex, Liv has done a good job keeping you all to herself since you've been back in New York, but I'm sure settling into the Chief ADA gig has been no small feat."

"It's definitely been a challenge, but a good one. If Liv hasn't relayed to you already, I'm a bit of an overachiever..."

"You?! And overachiever? All these years I never noticed!" Olivia said light hearted.

"Haha Benson!" Alex said, grabbing Olivia's hand giving it a squeeze.

And any excuse to touch her.

"Well I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but I don't meet many Fashion Editors."

"Really? I was certain with a body like that, you would tell me that you modeled at least some point in your life."

Alex blushed again,"I'm flattered you would think that, but modeling, no. More like tall, skinny and somewhat geeky."

"Well, you may have missed your calling… But being in fashion, it's work you know, and yes, it also has it glamorous moments. Like, I got a preview of the new Fall/Winter Chanel collection, and surely you have to love Chanel, it would look glorious on you!"

"Oh my God! I love Chanel!" Alex said excitedly.

"Hey, " Olivia butted in, "should I leave you two alone?"

"Shut it, Benson, I'm trying to kiss your girlfriend's ass!"

Olivia grinned, and Alex and Carrie laughed.

More laughs and few small plates and of course more drinks, Carrie and Olivia told Alex animated stories of some of their adventures and of course, Carrie made sure to tell Alex a few stories of Olivia telling her how hopelessly in love she had been with her over the years.

They ended the night back out on the sidewalk where Olivia and Alex (nervously) began.

"Carrie it was so great to meet you! Maybe we could do dinner soon?" Alex said, giving Carrie a genuine hug goodbye.

"Yes! ASAP!" Carrie agreed and then hugged Olivia goodbye.

"Love you."

"Love you." Carrie said with a wink, "You guys have a great rest of your evening."

"Same to you," Alex said as she followed Olivia into a cab.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

The evening was a success.

Olivia, now lay across the bed in just her bra and panties watching Alex.

"I really like Carrie," Alex said, removing her jewelry.

"I really like that red dress." Olivia grinned.

Alex walked over to the bed, leaning in to kiss Olivia. "I'm glad, I wore it for you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I like that look you get when I wear something that turns you on. Back in the day, I used to wear certain suits on days I knew I would see you." Alex said raising her brow.

Alex stood up, leaving Olivia with that thought.

She turned around pulling her hair to the side so Olivia could unzip her.

Olivia sat up, reaching to slide the zipper down Alex's spine.

"You and Carrie seemed to hit it off."

"I think it was obvious she was trying to put me at ease. But I appreciate she did that."

"She was on her best behavior. She was pretty mellow tonight, thankfully."

"I'm actually looking forward to getting to know her. To be honest, I thought I would be jealous, but I like the way she treats you, your dynamic. I can see why she's good for you."

"That means a lot babe."

"We should invite her here, sit up on the rooftop deck, have too much wine."

"That sounds like a Carrie plan," Olivia joked.

When Alex tried to walk away, Olivia tugged at her arm to stay.

"Come here."

"Babe, I'm just getting undressed."

"I can take care of that," Olivia said as she pulled the dress from Alex's shoulders and it fell into a puddle on the floor.

Olivia kissed Alex's lips, down her neck, down her chest, to the skin between her breasts.

"Liv!" Alex yelped as she suddenly landed on the mattress.

Olivia crawled on top of Alex, kissing her once again.

Alex moaned as Olivia slid the tips of her fingers soothingly up and down her body.

"Alex."

"Yeah, babe?" Alex said, looking at Olivia, admiring her.

"I love you," Olivia said softly, her eyes never leaving Alex's.

Alex's heart raced as a smile appeared on her face.

"I love you too," She said sincerely before kissing Olivia again.

"It feels good to finally say it."

"Baby. it does."

"I've wanted to say it to you for what seems like forever."

"For as long as I was certain that I loved you."

Olivia kissed Alex passionately.

Alex pulled Olivia flush against her body.

They made love, well into the early hours of the morning, saying their "I love yous", making up for the missed opportunities of the past.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Sometime in the middle of the night it had started raining and continued into the next morning.

Neither Olivia nor Alex seemed to be bothered by the rain, though they didn't exactly need an excuse to stay in bed on a Saturday morning.

They lay there mostly in silence, Alex's head on Olivia's shoulder.

The sheets pulled loosely around them, their naked bodies still intertwined like the night before.

The rain had set the mood, or rather set Alex's mood.

Since they woke up, Alex had been quiet and contemplative.

Olivia read articles on her iPad. Occasionally filling Alex in on the latest news or something she might find interesting.

Alex ran her fingers soothingly up and down Olivia's bare arms, across her chest, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, but engaging in conversation when one arose.

She circled the scars on Olivia's breasts repeatedly, her mind obviously lost, not realizing what she was doing.

The scars were small, and had faded, but burn scars were obvious and just didn't go away.

One on the inside of her right breast, another just above the areola of her left breast, another on the underside.

She had touched, kissed those scars before when they made love, but they had never discussed what William Lewis had done to cause them.

"What ya thinking about this morning?" Olivia asked as she grazed her fingers through Alex's hair.

"I'm thinking about how beautiful you are, how lucky I am to just lie here beside you."

Alex wasn't lying.

She was thinking about how beautiful Olivia was. How the scars on her body, told of how strong and resilient she was.

Olivia leaned down kissing Alex's forehead, pausing for a moment...

"He did it with my keys."

Alex's fingers came to a halt as she lifted herself on her elbow, now staring at Olivia.

"Your keys?" Alex repeated.

"One of his methods of torture was to burn and brand you. The rest of the scars are from a knife."

Alex felt suddenly nauseous.

Olivia could tell Alex had a million questions she didn't want answers to.

"And on your thighs?"

"Another thing to worry over come bathing suit season."

Olivia tried for a joke.

It wasn't funny.

"Did you think you were going to die?" Alex asked bluntly.

"At some point, I begged him to kill me," she answered honestly.

Tears fell down Alex's cheeks.

"Babe, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just thought you were curious."

"I didn't know, I didn't know how bad it was. I read the paper... I..." Alex sniffled, getting physically upset. "I love you so much and I didn't..."

"Alex, if you would have called, I wouldn't have talked to you about it. If you would have shown up on my front door I would have made you go away."

"But I should have..."

"No, you shouldn't have. I couldn't have at the time."

"You've talked to someone? You had to..."

"I have a very good and expensive therapist, Dr. Lindstrom."

Alex buried her head back into Olivia's neck.

Her hot tears soaking into Olivia's skin.

"Does it haunt you? Does he haunt you?"

"'I'll never be the same," was Olivia's only response. "But you know what's that's like."

Alex did know what it was like to have something, someone haunt her.

"It's not the same as what happened to me."

"Babe, we're not trying to one up whose nightmares are worse."

"He kidnapped you, tortured you."

Olivia now held Alex tightly against her.

It was easier to comfort Alex that it ever was to comfort herself.

"It's over Alex. It's all in the past."

Olivia didn't speak of William Lewis outside of Dr. Lindstrom. And she now hardly spoke of him at all.

He was gone, but yes, there were fleeting moments Olivia had to remind herself the devil was dead.

She wouldn't walk Alex through it, give her every detail.

If Alex wanted that, she had access to William Lewis' file.

She could read it all there in Olivia's statements.

Her statements for both kidnappings.

Her statement on how it all came to end.

"If you had died…"

"I didn't."

"I would have never told you how much I love you."

"We seemed to have had a pattern with almost dying before the I love you's. I'm glad we've fixed that."

Alex cupped Olivia's cheek.

"Agreed," she said leaning in for a quick kiss before settling back into Olivia's arms.

"Do you still see Dr. Lindstrom?"

"Occasionally when it's a particularly bad case or when things sneak up on me."

Things

They lay there in silence once again. The sound of the rain drops pelting the windows multiplied.

"Let's quit our jobs, get us a little bungalow on the beach. We can justify it we've worked hard enough..."

"Firstly what have you done Alexandra Cabot? And babe as amazing as that sounds, we both would be so bored."

Alex hugged Olivia tighter around her waist.

She seemed to be holding on for dear life.

"Hey, hey I'm fine ok."

Olivia understood what was going through Alex's head.

She had been through the same scenarios a thousand times.

"We've been through a lot, both of us... A bullet wound and burn marks are just scars to remind us what we've overcome." Olivia continued.

"What about the mental scars?"

Olivia snaked her fingers between Alex's, now holding her hand, connecting with her in any way she could.

"Those are tougher. But Al, we have to do the best we can. And hopefully, there's a light at the end of the tunnel."

"Liv, you are my light."

Olivia smiled, "I've always wanted to be."

Alex stared up at the ceiling, again contemplative.

"You have a lot going on in that big brain of yours this morning."

"I know. Actually, I've been thinking a lot lately about us."

"What about us?"

"That we're living in some fairy tale. That we've created this perfect little bubble around us. I mean at some point…"

"I know, I know," Olivia agreed.

"I think I honestly may be too in love with you."

"Wow, Cabot you have a rough life!"

"Ha ha Benson. I'm serious. It's just all we've been through. We shouldn't be sane much less here together. What if history repeats itself? What if something happens?"

Olivia turned to face Alex.

"Alex, where is this coming from? It sounds like you're waiting for doomsday."

Alex looked at Olivia almost frightened.

"I just love you so much. I crave to be with you so badly even when you're lying right here next to me. And this feeling, all of this is so foreign to me."

"Al, we can't not live our lives, we can't not do our jobs or even stop the world from interfering because we're afraid. We have to be bigger than our past, and our fears."

"I just want to protect you, protect us so badly."

"That's not a bad thing," Olivia assured.

Olivia studied Alex's face, her deep blue eyes, dark in the overcast room.

"Hey," Olivia said reaching for Alex's hand once again to hold it in her own, "whatever comes our way in the future, it's you and me ok. I promise. Please don't worry about us not being us."

Alex shook her head agreeing before leaning in to kiss Olivia.

"I'm sorry I unloaded all that on you this morning."

"Baby, always tell me your fears, especially when it comes to us. I'll reassure you, I'll remind you that I am a force to be reckoned with if anything tries to come between us."

Alex smiled.

"I do know we're not perfect."

"Speak for yourself!"

Alex rolled her eyes.

"No, we're not perfect and it won't always be perfect, but that's where the plot thickens, where it just gets deeper and more passionate," Olivia promised.

Alex grinned. "I knew you would be the romantic one."

"I've just been through too much, and I even learned a few lessons along the way," Olivia said giving Alex's ribs a tickle making her laugh and in return changing the mood.

Olivia kissed Alex's neck playfully.

Before Alex could retaliate, Olivia's phone startled them both.

"Nooooo!" Alex whined, but suddenly feeling uneasy once again by the phone interrupting their time.

Olivia reached over Alex answering her phone after the first ring.

Olivia listened intently before promising she would be there within the hour.

"I hate that phone!" Alex growled.

Olivia climbed on top of Alex sinking between her legs.

"I just need to go into the station to sign off on some paperwork for Rollins. And besides, you would have ditched me in an hour or so for work."

"No way! I had plans to do naughty things to you all day!"

Olivia hovered over her girlfriend, "Well hopefully this won't take long and you could do those dirty things to me all afternoon and maybe into the night too?"

"Ok, ok." Alex gave in, pulling Olivia to her for one last kiss, before letting her go.

Olivia headed for the shower, leaving Alex amongst the wrinkled sheets.

Alex bit her bottom lip, thinking again.

She suddenly smiled again, thinking about Olivia reassuring her feelings, and casting shadows on her doubts.

Alex was getting used to being too in love with Olivia.


	13. Chapter 13

13.

"Carrie!" Alex exclaimed peaking inside the large white shopping bag Carrie had brought over.

"Do you like it?"

Alex pulled out the royal blue Givenchy handbag. "Oh my God! I love it! You shouldn't have!"

"Yes, I should have! They give this shit to me! I am ridiculously spoiled. Besides, I saw it and I thought it would look amazing with those ridiculously blue, eyes of yours."

Alex hugged Carrie.

"It feels like Christmas. Actually, this is better than Christmas!"

"Well, I probably have been called a Ho Ho Ho before." Carried joked as Alex laughed heartily.

"Alex I love your dress!" Carrie said, as she eyed the white, knee length, spaghetti strapped dress. "So perfect for a night like tonight."

"Thank you, Liv actually picked it out for me. I could live in it, it's so comfortable."

"Well, she does have great taste. She actually has a great eye for fashion. You know I remember what she was wearing when we first met. She had on this exceptional emerald green dress, that fit her perfectly. And when we were introduced and they told me she was a detective with SVU, I was a bit taken aback."

"Not exactly what you had pictured."

"Not at all!"

"You know she's full of surprises like that," Alex smiled.

Carrie returned the smile, "she really is. I love that she's this badass with a girly side."

"She definitely can be more girly than me sometimes."

"So where is our beloved crime fighter? She's been relatively quiet this week."

"She caught a case Monday afternoon and I've seen her once since then," Alex frowned. "But she actually should be here any minute, she said she was walking out of the station so I'm hoping for the best."

"I have a hard enough time tracking her down, I don't know how the two of you ever see each other."

"Some days it's not always easy, but luckily we understand each other's jobs. Hard to be too critical when I have to do the same thing."

"Another reason you two are perfect together," Carrie said playfully rolling her eyes.

Alex laughed.

"Glass of wine while we wait on Liv?"

"Yes please!"

Alex poured 3 glasses of wine, hoping Olivia would be there any minute.

Before she and Carrie could get well into their next topic of choice Olivia walked through the door frazzled.

"Guys, I'm so sorry I'm late!" Olivia said dropping the contents of her arms by the door.

Olivia made a beeline for Alex and kissed her, making sure to take a moment to capture her eyes. "You look beautiful," Olivia said softly.

Alex gave her a shy smile, mouthing a 'thank you'.

Olivia turned to hug Carrie.

"I can't believe you still realized I was here!"

"You look beautiful too." Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, yeah," Carrie said playfully.

"So is the rooftop still the plan?"

"Yep, we were just waiting on you."

"Can I just change real quick?" Olivia said eyeing their relaxed attire.

"Of course babe," Alex said as Olivia made her way back to Alex's bedroom.

"Whoa! That bag!" Olivia said stopping in her tracks.

"Paws off Benson! It's Cabot's!" Carrie chimed in.

Olivia turned looking at Carrie.

"Don't be jealous. You'll get the next one, but I have to share the love now. You brought her into our lives. Now you have to share!" Carrie teased.

"Fine, fine!" Olivia grinned, already heading down the hall, and more than pleased that Carrie had thought of Alex.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

Olivia had returned in a pair of skinny jeans and a flowy top, and a pair of Alex's flip flops. They made their way to the rooftop deck, their wine, a bottle to spare and a charcuterie plate Alex had prepared for them to snack on.

Olivia sat down close to Alex, practically in her lap as Alex welcomed her with open arms.

"I didn't know you two hadn't seen each other very much this week. You could have canceled on me." Carrie said observing Alex and Olivia's inability to keep their hands off of each other.

"No, we're happy you're here!" Alex spoke up, "Sorry if we're a little obnoxious."

"You're not obnoxious, you're both so stinking cute."

Olivia looked at Alex.

She was glad Carrie was there, but she definitely was having a hard time not ravishing Alex.

Seeing her, being right next to her only made the week that much longer and made her miss her more.

"So Liv, how's the case?"

"Sort of at a dead end."

Alex listened, she too was curious.

"We had an initial lead, but he turned out to have an airtight alibi. I left Fin and Carisi tonight with nothing." Olivia said, clearly disappointed.

"I know that's so frustrating babe," Alex said her hand on Olivia's arm. "You'll get em'."

Carrie had learned over the years Olivia couldn't divulge too much information about a case, and she really didn't want to know the heinous things people did that was related to Olivia's job. She preferred the shallow and dramatization that was the fashion industry.

"I'm thinking about having a baby," Carrie blurted, abruptly changing the subject.

Olivia almost spit out her drink, choking a bit on the wine she had just swallowed.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked.

"I'm getting old!"

"And this makes you think you should have a baby?" Olivia asked questioningly.

"Well, I mean everything may be dried up in there who knows…"

"Care, you don't like children!"

"Well no, but surely I would like my own."

Alex watched the two of them go at it, a bit enthralled by their dynamic.

"Alex, what do you think?" Carrie asked, clearly not getting the reaction from Olivia she wanted.

Alex looked directly at Olivia. "Um well, there's nothing wrong with thinking about it. I mean you're right, none of us are getting any younger."

Olivia's eyes widened, surprised Alex is so receptive to thinking about it, much less entertaining this discussion.

"Okay, I'm not sure what's happening here, because you two are the last two I thought would be talking about having babies. And I have yet to understand where this is coming from."

Carrie sunk further into her lounge chair, taking another sip of wine. "Another editor at Vogue had a baby, and she brought her into the office. She was all pudgy and cute…" Carrie sighed. "And I don't know, I guess I felt something."

"I know you getting the feels about something doesn't happen very often, BUT…" Olivia teased.

"Ha ha, Benson! I'm serious that baby left me with this warm tingly feeling and yes, I hated it!"

"Oh, God! She's softening in her old age!" Olivia poked.

"Ok, ok but can you really blame me for thinking about it? And besides there are major designer baby clothes, actually, maybe I should get a toddler…"

"Ok," Olivia said shaking her head. "No baby for you!"

Carrie made a face. "I would bore of it wouldn't I?" Carrie paused to ponder for a moment. "Actually, you two should have a baby. Liv, you've always wanted one!"

Olivia's eyes widened, all the attention suddenly on her.

"Jesus Carrie!" Olivia scolded. "AND we've only been together for a few months!"

"Yeah, that hasn't quite come up for discussion yet." Alex chimed in, trying to help her girlfriend whose body had tensed the split second Carrie said that.

"Oh come on, you two have mentally been together for what twenty-five, thirty years?"

Alex couldn't help but snicker.

"Don't encourage her!" Olivia said, playfully swatting at Alex.

"Alright, fine we'll hold off on the tiny humans. I guess it just caught me off guard."

"That's not a bad thing. Life is full of surprises." Olivia said running her hand gently across Alex's exposed knee.

They spent the rest of the evening gossiping and laughing. Carrie enquiring more about Alex with of course no subject off limits.

Alex couldn't help but revel in the fact that she was welcomed into Carrie and Olivia's little circle.

Over the last few years, in D.C. Alex hadn't had a lot of friends, much less any she would consider her close friends.

Sitting there with the two of them, just assured Alex even more that she right where she needed to be, and who she needed to be with in her life.

"Ok, I just summoned my Uber." Carrie said gathering her things, "besides you two should have sex or something. You are grotesquely into each other tonight."

And with that, they hugged, said their goodbyes.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

Back downstairs, Olivia was in the kitchen putting things away, washing wine glasses, when Alex reappeared, sitting on a bar stool on the opposite side of the counter.

"Tonight was fun," Alex grinned.

"Carrie was in full form."

"She's funny," Alex said still amused.

"She just blurts things… pretty much why it took so long for me to introduce the two of you, to mentally prepare."

"I know she's harmless. And it's kind of refreshing the way she just says what's on her mind."

"Yeah, she has no filter," Olivia said making her way to the counter across from Alex and reaching for her hand. "I guess I just have this fear she's going freak you out."

"You mean like bringing up that we should have a baby."

"Yeah, you took that well."

"I think," Alex said, playing with Olivia's fingers, "that I took it better than you did."

"I shouldn't have been caught off guard, but Carrie knows…"

"Carrie knows what?"

"That it's…" Alex could tell Olivia was choosing her words wisely. "That it's a sensitive subject."

"I understand. But I think you're the one one that said tonight, that life is full of surprises. We don't know what's next."

"I didn't even think you would want to have this conversation. I know you like kids. I've seen you with kids, you're good with them, but I've actually heard you say, they weren't for you…"

"I know I've said that, and I know I truly believed that at one point." Alex took a breath, trying not to hesitate, "If I'm honest, I have thought about what it would be like to have a baby with you..."

Alex paused, waiting to see Olivia's reaction.

"You have?" Olivia asked surprised.

"I mean obviously I haven't made some plan, but I have wondered what it would be like."

"I guess I just assumed you weren't interested, period."

"I'm not sure I was interested, but I didn't know that scenario could include having a kid with you. It's different. The thought of fulfilling something that I know you've wanted…"

"Alex, I wouldn't ask you to have a baby with me knowing you weren't completely on the same page."

"Liv, it would be different. Knowing we could be connected in that way, and knowing I could be a part of making you happy."

"You already make me happy."

"I want to you to have everything you want," Alex countered.

Olivia was silent for a moment, then pulled her hand away from Alex.

She stood up from straight.

"Al, I kind of feel like that ship has sailed."

"Why would you think that?"

"Alex, I'm… we're, I don't know, I just… the conversation has kind of come and gone for me."

Alex studied Olivia's face. She had suddenly become stoic, her eyes distancing...

"Ok. But just so you know, honey, we don't have to make any decisions about this right now. We can talk about this in the future, OR, we never have to talk about it again. But now you know, that I'm open to the conversation. Whatever the conversation is," Alex assured.

Olivia nodded her head, with no rebuttal.

Alex then smiled, reaching again for Olivia's hand, guiding her around the corner of the counter and to her.

She ran her hands up the back of Olivia's thighs, squeezing her butt with both hands. Alex changed her octave, "now, if you don't get those clothes off and into my bed in the next 2 minutes..."

Olivia grinned.

Her beautiful, sexy girlfriend.

"Mmmm, I've missed bossy Alex!" Olivia said, leaning in to nip at her lips.

Their bodies met and Alex reached to unbutton Olivia's jeans, reaching inside the waistband to palm Olivia's hips.

"It's been a long week baby," Alex said her eyes darkening.

Olivia bit her bottom lip.

Alex tugged Olivia's jeans and her panties down a bit and leaned in, placing kisses the now bare skin of her lower belly. "I can't wait any longer," Alex growled.

Olivia pulled Alex from the bar stool, and against her as they stood there for a moment sizing each other up, synchronizing their breath.

Alex slipped her hand into Olivia's panties feeling how wet she was.

She raised her brow looking intently at Olivia.

"You're not the only one who has been waiting," Olivia grinned devilishly.

"God," Alex whispered, guiding Olivia back to her bed.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

"I have to admit I still can't believe Ramsey actually confessed on the stand," Barba said, holding a bourbon neat in one hand.

"I knew he couldn't handle the pressure," Olivia said, sipping her own celebratory drink.

"You definitely called it."

"I could tell the other day he was cracking. Guilt is a powerful thing."

"That it is. Do you believe he loved her?" Barba questioned, propping his feet up on his desk, his designer socks displayed prominently.

"In some sick way, yeah I do."

"Well, another one in the books," he said raising his glass to Olivia.

"Yeah, another one," Olivia said, not in the slightest bit satisfied.

The nature of their job didn't allow for satisfaction.

"So, I ran into Alexandra Cabot this morning."

Barba's segue was noticeably abrupt.

"Oh?" Olivia replied nonchalantly.

"Glad to have her back in New York."

"Yeah, me too," Olivia said, giving Barba a notable smirk.

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Alex gave me that same look when I mentioned you, and asked had you two reconnected."

"Ok, and we have reconnected," Olivia replied, unwavering.

Barba eyed Olivia.

"What?" She questioned again.

"You're getting nervous."

"What? No, I'm not."

"It seemed like Alex got a little nervous too talking about you."

"You're fishing."

"You're fidgeting," he bantered.

Olivia leaned back in the chair opposite of him.

"So?" Barba asked ruffling the edges of the legal pad.

"Maybe you should have been a Detective since you seem to like to ask so many questions."

"Ahh! So there is something more than old colleges reuniting?" He asked his interests clearly peaked.

"Why are you so interested?"

"For the sake of good gossip," Barba grinned. "And I do care about you Liv."

Olivia took another sip of her drink, biding her time.

"I, nor Alex are vying to be in the rumor mill at the next ADA happy hour."

Barba's brow raised in intrigue, "So you're sleeping with Alexandra Cabot?"

"Wow, you got that out of both of us telling you that we had been back in touch."

"You both suspiciously perked up at the mention of the other. I didn't know Cabot that well before, nor the real extent of your relationship…"

"But you've heard rumors?"

Olivia had heard the rumors.

"I may have heard rumors."

So had Alex.

"We're not just sleeping together." Olivia had told no one. "We're together."

Barba grinned, a satisfied look on his face. "Like together, together?"

"Yes, like together, together," Olivia confirmed.

"How long have you been together? She hasn't been back that long, you work fast," He teased.

"Since she's been back. We just decided not to do the dance this time and just jump in."

"So there is truth to the infamous Benson, Cabot dance?"

Olivia ran her thumb back and forth against her glass.

"I've been in love with her for a long time," she confessed.

Barba smiled.

He wouldn't rag her for being in love.

He did care about Olivia. She had become someone he considered a very good friend. And she deserved all the love someone could give.

And by the look on Olivia's face when confessed, he hoped that it would be Alex to give her that love.

"You seem happy."

"I am happy."

"You deserve to be happy Liv," he said sincerely.

Olivia smiled.

"It's been a long time coming. Alex, she makes me so happy."

"Well, I have to say it all makes much more sense now knowing you two are together. When I heard she had turned down the opportunity to run for DA in Washington, then she abruptly moved back to New York, she must really be in love with you."

"What?" Olivia asked looking up, certain she had not heard him correctly.

"I said she must really be..."

"No, no, what did you say about Alex turning down the opportunity to run for DA?"

Rafael's feet hit the floor, dramatically sitting up in his chair. He realized by the look of confusion on Olivia's face, she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Liv," Barba was purposefully hesitating. "Maybe I shouldn't…"

"Tell me," Olivia interrupted.

Barba took a deep breath.

"Alex was being poised to be the next DA in Washington. The current DA is retiring and personally chose to support Alex as his replacement. She was basically a shoe in." Barba continued, "next thing I hear she had accepted the job as Chief ADA back here in Manhattan. Everyone was surprised, to say the least."

Olivia just sat there in silence.

"Liv?"

Instead of looking at Barba, she looked away.

"You didn't know."

Olivia opened her mouth, but no words came.

She truly had a hundred different emotions running through her and they were all ready to come out in the form of tears.

"Liv, she probably didn't mention it for a reason. She's probably so happy to be back in New York and with you. She obviously turned down the opportunity because she didn't want…"

"Raphael," Olivia said, stopping him.

She sat the remainder of her drink on his desk.

Barba could tell she was swallowing the lump in her throat.

"I have to go."

"Liv, don't…"

"Thanks for the drink," She said, not leaving any room for more discussion on the subject.

There was no stopping her, so he watched her go.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

The short distance from Barba's office to Alex's felt like one of the longest walks Olivia had ever taken.

She was fuming. She was hurt. She was confused.

"Alex, Olivia Benson is here to see you."

"Oh, of course, send her in," Alex answering her assistant professionally.

She opened the door to her office for Olivia, closing the door before speaking.

"Hey," Alex said as Olivia walked passed her. "You didn't tell me you were coming by, I was about to text you about dinner."

Olivia had yet to say anything.

She dropped her bag in the chair and her hands immediately dug into her back pockets.

"Babe? What's wrong? Did something happen?" Alex asked concerned.

When Olivia looked directly at Alex, her eyes were rimmed with tears.

"Liv, you're scaring me," Alex said, making her way towards her.

Olivia took a step back away from her.

"Liv?"

"You didn't tell me," Olivia said, her voice weak.

Alex looked at Olivia confused, "I didn't tell you what?"

She let out a breathy laugh, "about running for District Attorney."

Olivia then waited patiently for an explanation, a rebuttal.

"There's nothing to tell," Alex said, without hesitation, now walking past Olivia to her desk, refusing to be in some sort of stand off with her.

Olivia spun around. "You didn't think that was important to mention to me?"

"Liv, there was nothing to mention, I didn't accept the nomination, end of story."

"What do you mean end of story? Why? Why wouldn't you? That was the goal."

"Because I wanted to be back in New York."

That was all Alex would give.

"You gave up a chance to become DA of Washington, D.C. because you were homesick? Al, that doesn't make any sense, that's all you wanted."

Olivia was confused, questioning.

She just wanted answers.

"It's what I used to want," Alex said, making sure not to stumble on her words. "Now, I want to be in New York and I want you."

Olivia took a sympathetic step closer in front of Alex.

"Baby, you could have had me. You could have had everything you wanted. You could have told me, we could have made something work. I just don't understand why you would turn that down, and even more so why you felt like that it was such an insignificant detail that you didn't think to tell me."

Alex shuffled the papers on her desk.

"I did think to tell you, but I didn't want to make a big deal about it like you're doing now!' Alex said coldly.

"I'm so confused right now about the truth, and maybe, what you aren't telling me. This isn't like you. I know you said you were lonely in D.C., but you completely forgot to mention the prospects of becoming DA? Alex that's huge!"

"Maybe you don't know everything you think you know about me," Alex spat.

Olivia's eyes widened.

"I guess I don't," she said eerily calm.

"Liv, I can't do this here, not right now. Can we please talk about this at home. Meet me…"

Olivia shook her head, "no," she said frustrated "I don't want to meet you at home. Right here, right now you can't even tell me why you kept this all from me"

"Olivia. I can't do this here!"

"Why all of a sudden do I feel like you don't trust me? I can't figure out why you're being so elusive about D.C., Alex, I'm begging you for an explanation…"

"We'll talk about it later," Alex said more sternly trying desperately to dismiss Olivia.

"Did something happen?" Olivia continued to push. "This can't all be about New York and surely not just about being with me."

Alex bit her bottom lip nervously. She had lost eye contact with Olivia.

"I love you," was all Alex could say.

Olivia glared at her before slinging her bag over her shoulder and walking out.

With the click of the door, tears fell down Alex's cheeks.


	15. Chapter 15

**Eeek!** Thanks, **trace619! :)**

15.

Alex suit jacket had been left on the back of her chair when she finally left her office around 1 am.

The thought of going home to her empty apartment had left her sitting alone at her desk for hours.

It's not that she hadn't played in her mind over and over how she would tell Olivia, she just never got the courage and so far she had done well at avoiding it all together.

But today, or yesterday rather, it reared back its ugly little head once again.

Olivia's eyes shot open when she heard the lock turn in the front door of her apartment.

With the sound of the deadbolt locking again, she knew it was Alex, and she didn't bother getting up.

She wasn't going to get out of bed to fight with Alex or beg her for further explanation.

Alex could sleep where she wanted, Olivia didn't have a round 2 in her.

Alex made her way to the bedroom.

Olivia, her eyes closed sheerly for avoidance, heard Alex quietly drop her heels one by one on to the rug.

She then felt the weight of Alex's body sit on the side of the bed in the spot where she usually would lie next to her.

When she didn't lie down, Olivia opened her eyes, seeing Alex's slumped shoulders and watched her take breaths almost as if she were silently gasping for air.

She clearly had been crying.

Olivia was hurt that Alex didn't tell her about turning down the opportunity to run for DA, but she was more so frustrated that Alex wasn't being honest about why.

But whatever Alex's reasonings were, she was clearly suffering and it was too much.

Olivia reached out for her, lightly dragging the tips of her fingers down the back of Alex's silk blouse, letting her know she was awake.

Alex straightened her back with Olivia's touch as if now she knew she was being watched and she would pull herself together.

Alex filled her lungs with air.

"On the nights you're not with me I barely sleep," she said breaking the silence. "I've gotten used to your body next to mine. How it feels to be in your arms." Alex wiped away a stray tear. "When I'm with you I feel safe and loved."

Alex took a moment to look up at the ceiling, Olivia watching her, the cracked doorway of the bathroom providing the only light in the room.

"I hadn't felt safe, and I certainly didn't feel loved while I was in D.C."

With this bit of revelation, Alex finally turned to glance over at Olivia, letting her see her tear stained face before she looked back towards the light.

"We've been through so much you and me... I didn't want to bring this dark cloud over us. I thought if I left D.C. I could just start over and be with you. I wanted so badly to be with you, and that you would make me forget everything."

Alex felt Olivia sit up in bed.

"Baby..." Olivia whispered, bracing herself for anything Alex was about to say.

Alex didn't look back, facing Olivia wasn't something she could do while she told the part of her story she had omitted.

"I started dating a man named Michael Byrne. He's was a fellow attorney with these big political aspirations. He was charming, handsome, he had all the right connections for us both. Our relationship looked as good on the outside as we did on paper." Alex began. "We had been together for a couple months when he first became verbally abusive to me. He would make comments, comments turned into belittling. It was completely out of the blue and as far as I knew completely uncharacteristic of him. And though I was hurt, and I couldn't believe he would say these things to me, that I would let him say these things to me, I tolerated it. I let him do it... And then one day he came home, stressed, angry..."

Alex took a deep breath before continuing.

"He had started an argument with me, and during the argument, he grabbed my arm so tight it left a bruised handprint on my skin. The next time, it escalated to pushing and shoving me. Those things were easy to hide and in turn easier to dismiss. But of course, it didn't end there. It wasn't until he hit me in the face, and I spent the rest of the night figuring out what my story would be to my colleagues because I knew I wouldn't be able to cover up the bruises he had left on my cheek."

"God, Alex," Olivia said reaching for Alex's hand, holding it in hers.

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as if to hold on.

"That was one thing, then another and another. It was like he had this plan of escalation to see how much I could take. It wasn't until sex stopped being consensual... he started forcing me to have sex with him..."

Tears fell involuntarily down Olivia's cheeks as she listened to Alex confess.

She wanted to scream.

"Baby I'm so sorry..." Olivia choked out.

"I was ashamed I had let it go that far and for as long as it did. When I finally got my self-esteem out of the gutter, I threatened to tell. His father, the current DA, Franklin Byrne..."

"Wait! What!" Olivia exclaimed.

"He wanted to bribe me to keep quiet. He didn't want me to ruin his son's budding political career, so he told me it was time for him to step down as DA and strongly suggested that I run for his position and that I would have his full support and assure me the support of his key constituents.

Alex turned to Olivia who was trying to compose herself, be the strength she knew Alex needed, but she was in shock.

Alex gave a haunting smile.

"And that's it. That's why I turned down the opportunity to run for DA, that's why I hated D.C. why I was desperate to come back to New York and I wanted so badly to be safe and to be loved by you."

"Alex," was all Olivia could say sympathetically.

"You've never hurt me, you have always protected me and I have always loved you. And I needed..."

Olivia pulled Alex into her, holding her so tight she if wondered if it was Alex's heart she could feel pounding or her own.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"No, no I don't want you to be sorry," Alex said, her face buried in the crook of Olivia's neck.

"I would have..."

"I know you would have."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you come to me, call me? I would have come to you, we could have done something..."

"What were you going to do Liv? Go up against the District Attorney of Washington D.C.?"

"You're damn right I would have!"

Alex gave a sad, understanding smile knowing Olivia would have.

"I wasn't going to drag you into the middle of that. You've been through enough, and you have your own life."

"Alex you're a part of my life, and even though we weren't together you were my best friend..."

"You picked up the pieces when your life shattered. I needed to do the same."

"You felt alone, you weren't alone."

"I'm not alone now, I have everything I want..."

"So you're going to let them both get away with doing this to you?"

"I don't want to deal with it!" Alex quickly snapped back.

"Alex, you confronted a man that had a hit on your life, you've stood up to monsters. Now you're afraid to confront someone who abused you? Alex, he raped you!"

"He didn't, he didn't…"

Olivia pulled away, "Alex," she said sternly.

"Liv, I just want to be here. I'm happy, I'm happy."

"Baby, I'm so sorry! I pushed you, I didn't t know..."

"Stop saying you're sorry. No, you didn't know. And, I should have told you, but everything had fallen in to place, I didn't want any of it back in my life. I didn't want it in our life."

Olivia pulled Alex back tightly against her and settled on to the pillows against the headboard.

She could still feel Alex's escaped tears against her shoulders.

"I love you so much," Olivia said, desperate for Alex to comprehend.

Alex finally cried herself to sleep.

Olivia would hold Alex in her arms, wide awake.


	16. Chapter 16

16

Olivia's eyes burst open, looking at the clock, panicking for a moment before coming out of her sleepy haze and remembering that she texted Fin at sunrise that she was calling in sick, that she "just didn't feel well".

She had barely slept. and any sleep she had was fitful and full of worries about Alex.

Replaying all that Alex had confessed.

Imagining all the details she hadn't confessed.

Olivia looked over at the empty space beside her.

She assumed Alex had snuck out of bed and gone to work.

She traced her fingers along the wrinkled sheets thinking it would be just like Alex to sweep it all under the rug for the sake of appearances.

Olivia sat up, crawling out from under the covers, her feet hit the floor on the opposite side of the bed.

She saw Alex's clothes from the day before lying in a puddle beside the bed.

That didn't necessarily mean she was here. Alex now kept spare clothes at her apartment...

For a second she listened for signs of Alex.

Nothing.

If anything, her apartment was too quiet.

Olivia made her way to the living room, fumbling on a pair of shorts with the t-shirt she had slept in.

There, on the couch, was Olivia's first sight of the blonde, her hair uncharacteristically piled on the top of her head in a messy bun.

Alex sat there in Olivia's robe. The robe she had made a habit of wearing when she stayed there.

Her feet propped up on the coffee table, her long bare legs stuck out between the opening of the robe, uninhibited by any sort of modesty.

She was just sitting there. Staring straight ahead, unmoving, unwavering, and Olivia wondered for how long.

"Hi, baby," Olivia's voice still raspy from sleep.

Alex looked to Olivia, unapologetically letting her observe her swollen eyes under the frame her glasses.

Alex then moved the throw pillow next to her suggesting Olivia sit.

Olivia was relieved at her gesture and she sat down beside her.

"I thought maybe you had gone to work."

"I called in sick. My assistant is probably losing her shit..." Alex looked at Olivia and smirked.

"She'll survive I'm sure." Olivia gave a small grin as she twirled fallen stands of Alex's hair around her finger. "I like your hair like this."

"What a mess?"

"Yeah," Olivia smiled.

Alex returned the smile.

"What about work?" Alex asked. "The world didn't stop spinning the last time i checked."

"I left a message with Fin early this morning. I called in sick too."

"Both of us calling in sick, hope no one pieces it together," Alex joked.

Olivia grinned, "I think our secret is safe".

Alex again looked straight ahead.

"I hope I didn't disturb you this morning, I know you barely slept."

"No, you didn't. Once I finally fell asleep, I guess I was dead to the world. How did you sleep?"

"You would think I wouldn't have slept as well as I did..."

Olivia reached for Alex's hand intertwining their fingers. "You got a lot off of your chest last night. It's pretty tiresome carrying all that around."

"I guess it is." Alex took a deep breath. "But I'm not sure I feel better you know. Truthfully, I feel exactly the way I thought I would feel, like I've burdened you with all of this."

"Alex, why would you say that?"

"Because now we're both carrying this around," she answered honestly.

Olivia pulled the back of Alex's hand against her chest. "I know you can't comprehend this right now, but I'd rather share the burden with you, take some of it off of your shoulders."

"You have enough…"

"Alex, you mean everything to me, and I would do anything for…"

"I know you would, I know... " she interrupted. "But now that you know this truth about me, it just makes me feel sick."

"You know truths about me," Olivia countered. You know about things that have happened to me. Does that make you feel sick?"

"Liv, God no, I love you so much."

"And I love you so much," Olivia reasoned."You can talk about anything with me, tell me anything. Please don't keep it bottled up for my sake."

"You don't talk about what happened with Lewis," Alex pushed back, instantly regretting it. "Liv, I'm sorry! I didn't, oh God…"

"No, you're right, I don't talk about Lewis, but I faced him. I did what I had to do to get out of the situation I was in with him. And then I went to a hell of a lot of therapy to try and get past it."

"I'm not as strong as you," Alex said emotionless.

"Bullshit Cabot," Olivia said calmly.

"But I let him do those things to me. Everything that has happened to you, you didn't let happen, you would never allow that..."

"Alex, honey please stop comparing what I would do, or what I did. He abused you, they threatened you… I know you did what you had to do!"

"What let him do it to me? Let him tell me how I was nothing, and how I believed him when he said I would never get any further in my career without him?"

"That sort of thing gets in your head…"

"Olivia, I let him shove me into walls, I let him twist my arms behind my back until I was certain he had broken them, I let him give me black eyes and bruised cheeks… I let him force himself inside of me and I gave up on begging him to stop and I just let him do it. I just cried and let him…"

"Alex STOP!"

Alex froze looking at Olivia.

Tears were streaming down Alex's face, her long legs now pressed against her chest, holding on tight.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's body. She tried comforting her, but she also just wanted to let her cry, let it all out.

"I thought Lewis was going to rape me, and at some point, I even taunted him on why he hadn't. Then, in the end, he duct taped my ankles to the table legs, bent me over and undid my pants. I thought that was it. I thought he was finally going to do it," Olivia divulged. "My only choice at the time was to let him do it."

Alex had gone silent listening, she raised up from Olivia's arms, looking at her, taking in what Olivia had just told her.

"Did he?" Alex asked her lips quivering.

"I went cold and he stopped. He got off on the struggle and I refused to struggle."

More tears streamed down Alex's face and she watched how Olivia's usually rosy cheeks had gone pale.

"My God! Why, why does this happen...what did either of us do…"

"Alex, honey you know there's no answer to that. And WE didn't do anything."

Alex bit at her thumb nail, thinking.

"You faces Lewis… You want me to go after Michael and his father."

"I told you that we're not comparing what happened to me to what happened to you. I want you to do what brings you peace, and what heals you. I don't want you to ever do anything you don't want to do."

Alex wiped a few more stray tears.

"Last night, I sat in my office for hours. One of my first thoughts was that when I told you, you wouldn't want to kiss me anymore, have sex with me." Alex gave a breathy, nervous laugh, "I know that's shallow, but I just kept thinking about you not wanting to touch me anymore."

"First of all, that's crazy! I would never not want to touch you, not want to kiss you!"

"But the things I allowed him to do to me."

"You didn't allow it, Alex, he forced you. He abused you, scared you, held his strength and power over you. You didn't allow that." Olivia continued, "you and I have seen it thousands of times, women being overpowered by men, being abused, not consenting to sex even if they are in a relationship… We don't question IF they could have stopped them, or WHY they didn't stop them. Your situation is no different!"

"I don't know what happened. I still don't know! He just turned into a monster. Liv, he is a monster."

"I can't fathom why anyone would do that to another person. And I certainly believe he is a monster because I don't understand how he could ever do that to you."

"You start to believe you deserved it somehow."

"I know, but you didn't."

"Neither Michael nor Franklin have tried to contact me. They think they've scared me away, that I wouldn't dare come back. They know they could ruin my career, my life."

"You could ruin their careers. their lives."

"So revenge?"

"Not revenge, justice. Peace of mind."

"Can I just think about it?"

"Of course, you do whatever you feel like doing. I'm here to support you and love you."

"You're not flying to D.C. to bash anyone's teeth in?"

"Not tot until you say I can," Olivia teased.

"I don't want to ruin our happiness. I'm so afraid this will haunt me, ruin what we have."

"You keep saying that. But I won't let that happen, you won't let that happen."

"I burst our bubble. I knew I would."

"That doesn't scare me, Alex."

Alex sat there for a moment, taking in Olivia's sincere rebuttal before she jumped up from the couch. "Coffee. I'll make us coffee."

"Alex…" Olivia said, watching her get up, pulling the tie around the robe tighter. "We'll just get stronger."

Alex turned to look at Olivia.

"All of these hurdles, these obstacles, I will only love you more, I'll only want you, more."

"Your romanticism is truly admirable," Alex said making her way to the coffee maker for her task at hand.

"I just know that I've never loved anyone the way I love you. And I've never felt as loved by anyone as I feel loved by you."

Alex stopped, leaving the coffee grounds abandoned by the coffee maker.

She walked over to the couch where Olivia still sat.

Alex leaned in, cupping Olivia's chin, studying her face, before kissing her.

At first softly, and then when Olivia reciprocated she began to kiss her more passionately.

"I have never loved anyone the way I love you, or never felt more loved by anyone," Alex repeated.

"Whatever happens," Olivia said standing to meet Alex, "we'll get through this. I promise we'll get through this."


	17. Chapter 17

17.

It had been two weeks since Alex's last confession.

One day off and then she did as Olivia had predicted she would, buried herself in work.

Buried herself in work during the day, buried herself in Olivia at night.

They had barely spoken about it, though they both were obsessing over it.

Olivia had refused to let her mind go to any visuals of what Michael Byrne physically did to Alex, but she had thought of every possible scenario of the results of the aftermath.

And now knowing Alex had lived with this for months, what about her mental state?

Little nuances of Alex's behavior, like her constant worry that their "fairy tale" would end, that the bubble they had created would burst, her worries what once seemed almost overboard, or clingy, now made perfect sense.

Perfect sense for someone that had been abused, sexually assaulted.

She was strong, and resilient, but could Alex keep this secret forever?

And if she did tell, what would all of this unravel?

How it would help Alex, how it would hurt her?

Would it ruin her career? Her aspirations?

What impact would it eventually have on their relationship?

And what about the Byrne's?

Were there other victims? Who else had Michael Byrne abused? Raped?

What else had Franklin Byrne successfully covered up?

What if, what if…?

These were all realistic thoughts, all realistic questions that Olivia was trained to ask, trained to solve.

But this time they weren't in Olivia's control.

AOAOAOAOAOAO

A quick knock on her office door, Alex looked up to see DA Roberts appear in her doorway.

"Hey Alex," the DA said peeking his head through the doorway.

"Hi John," Alex said looking at him through her dark rimmed glasses.

"Didn't mean to interrupt, but wanted to stop by and tell you what great work you did on the Human Trafficking case. Carlson said he couldn't have done it without your expertise."

"Well thanks, but I'm just doing my job."

"Above and beyond Alex. The ADA's rave about having you as Chief."

"Well, that's good to hear." Alex grinned.

"I still can't believe DC let you go. Absolute fools. Their loss, our gain." John smiled. "Well, I won't keep you, I'm actually on my way home for a change, I already told my wife I'm on my way and she would kill me if I'm delayed. You should get out of here too Alex. You've been working crazy hours. Go have some resemblance of a life!"

"Ha! That's possible?" She jokingly questioned. "I shouldn't be too far behind you, I'm at least at a stopping point."

"Very good, have a great evening Alex."

"Thanks, you too," she said watching him disappear behind the now closed door.

Alex picked up her pen again, but her previous train of thought was gone.

She tapped the end of her pen against her notepad before dropping it.

She leaned back in her chair for a moment, looking up at the white ceiling above her.

Unravel.

Unravel.

It took her a moment to realize she was holding her breath.

When she let out said breath, she picked up the phone dialing a number she knew by heart.

"Judge Donnelly, please... This is Alexandra Cabot... thank you."

Alex again, sat back in her chair, now staring out into the view of the sunset sky."

"Alexandra?" Liz's voice appeared on the phone.

"Hi, I was hoping I would catch you while you were still in your office."

"I'll be buried here," Liz deadpanned. "What do I owe the pleasure?"

"I was wondering if it would be possible to come by for a chat sometime this week?"

"Of course, I alway have time for you. Tomorrow?"

Liz didn't even look at her calendar, knowing if Alex had called asking to talk, and in person, she wouldn't hesitate. It must be important.

"Yeah, that would be great," Alex said gratefully.

"Actually, can you come by my office around lunch? I'll order us something."

"Perfect, I'll l give you a heads up when I'm headed over. Thanks, Liz."

Alex hung up her office phone and picked up her cell, holding it in her palm, thinking.

Thinking about what she had just set into motion.

Alex: Still at work?

Liv: Playing catch up. You?

Alex: About to leave. Can I come by?

Liv: Of course babe.

Alex was a bit surprised Olivia didn't question right away why she wanted to come by, but she would explain soon enough.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Alex stepped off the elevator to the 1-6.

She hadn't been back there since coming back to the city and to see Olivia.

Though, not necessarily on purpose, Olivia and Alex had managed to keep their relationship fairly private, especially when it came to their work.

"Hey stranger," Rollins said looking up to the fellow blonde.

"Hi guys," Alex said warmly. "Liv in her office?" She asked pretending she didn't already know.

"Yeah, just knock," Amanda replied, "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."

"Let's hope so," Alex said vaguely as she made her way towards Olivia's office, knocking as instructed.

Now standing inside Olivia's office, Alex subtly pointed to the blinds and Olivia nodded before Alex closed them.

With the view obstructed to the rest of the squad room, Alex immediately made her way to a waiting Olivia, her lips crashing into hers.

Alex grabbed Olivia's ass, holding her against her.

When they finally pulled away a grin appeared across Olivia's face, "Mmm that instantly made my day better."

"I've been waiting to do that for at least 3 hours…" Alex playfully looked at her watch, "and 28 minutes."

Olivia grinned again.

"So what brings you to my side of the law? I didn't expect you to come by."

"I figured that would throw you a bit, but would you believe I needed to kiss you so badly that I couldn't wait hours before I saw you again?"

"I'm flattered, but what else?" Olivia asked suspiciously, sitting on the edge of her desk.

Alex sat down in one of the chairs in front of Olivia's desk to create some distance between them in case someone happened to barge in.

"I'm having lunch with Donnelly tomorrow," Alex said, nervously looking away.

"Ok," Olivia said a bit confused on why this was big news as she knew Alex had always maintained a close relationship with Elizabeth Donnelly.

"I'm going to tell her about what happened."

"Oh."

Olivia was surprised, to say the least.

"Liv, I trust her…"

"Of course."

"And I trust her opinion, her legal advice." Alex noticeably gripped the arms of the chair, "And I'm going to see if she wants to represent me."

"Oh... Do you think she would do it? I mean not that…"

"I know. She may not want to. It won't be easy by any means and I'll respect her decision to decline, but she's my first choice."

"Donnelly is an excellent choice. How do you feel about telling her everything that happened?"

"Well, it's taken me two weeks if that's any measure of my level of courage."

"She'll be understanding, encouraging and I'm certain just as angry as I am."

"I'm sorry I have to even tell her."

"Baby, I'm sorry too. But as you said, you trust her."

"I feel like I'm opening Pandora's box."

"We know this won't be easy, any of it."

"Just whatever happens…"

"I'll be right there by your side," Olivia assured.

Alex looked up to Olivia, holding her gaze.

"I want you so badly. I want to show you how much I appreciate you, how much I love you."

"I like this idea," Olivia said wiggling her eyebrows.

"Maybe I could persuade you to come home with me?" Alex asked standing now in front of Olivia, inching her way between her legs. Her hands running up the span of her thighs.

"No persuasion needed," Olivia said, leaning in to kiss Alex. "I love you."

Alex grinned, "I love you".

Olivia gathered her things and followed Alex out of her office.

"Guys I'm out for the evening," Olivia said, still following Alex, not stopping for questions.

"Have a good night Lieu," Carisi called out.

Alex waited for the elevator door to close. "They're probably dying to know where we're going."

"Between Rollins and Carisi, they're losing their minds with theories about us."

"You think Finn knows?"

"Oh, he knows. That shit eating grin of his, he knows."

Alex laughed, before hooking her pinky finger with Olivia's, holding on, until the door to the elevator opened once again.

Before she let go she leaned into Olivia, against the lobe of her ear, "take me home baby."


	18. Chapter 18

18.

"How's Olivia?"

"Perfect," Alex said, instantly scolding herself for using such a poetic word to describe Olivia to Liz.

Liz smiled, "I'm glad she makes you happy."

"She does," Alex said returning a shy smile.

"Ok then, she's not the reason we're sitting here making urgent small talk, and why you've barely touched your lunch," Liz observed.

"No, she's not," Alex said, her voice falling.

"And we established work is going well, so what then?"

Alex looked down, her fingers fidgeting with the napkin on her lap.

"Alex? Liz questioned, observing Alex's body language. "You're starting to worry me. It's not typical of you to hesitate like this."

Alex looked at Liz, her blue eyes darkening behind the frames of her glasses. "I need to tell you about something that happened to me in D.C."

"What do you mean happened to you?" Liz asked, immediately concerned.

Alex swallowed hard and begged herself internally to get it over with.

"Michael, the man I…"

"The ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes. When we were together…" Alex took a physical deep breath in, "He was abusive to me."

"Abusive?" Liz questioned as she sat up straighter in her chair.

Alex nodded in confirmation.

"At first, it was verbal abuse. He would berate and belittle me about my career, how I ordered takeout, my appearance when we would go to social functions. Then it seemed as his stress level went up so did his anger issues. He started grabbing my arms, my wrists… squeezing my thigh under the table leaving his handprints. That escalated to slapping and punching. I was so ashamed, I was in disbelief that it was happening to me and that I was hiding it all from Friends and colleagues. "Then, he started forcing me to have sex with him…"

"What!" Liz's eyes widening, her stomach turning.

Alex looked away.

She had to look away from Liz's stunned face.

"He would yell, we would fight, then he would want have sex so he could "let off steam".

"Alex, he raped you! You know he rapped you." Liz's said, pointedly.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as if the word rape pierced her eardrums.

As with Olivia, she didn't directly address Michael forcing her to have sex, but she knew… she knew.

"He would shove me against the wall, practically rip my panties off… there was no mercy, just anger. Just rage."

"Oh God, Alex," Liz said reaching for her hand.

"And all I could do was cry…. Cry!"

"He overpowered you! He had control over you!

Alex wiped away the stray tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

"I finally got the courage and tried to get away from him. But you know, same old story, he wouldn't accept I was leaving him, and he would show up at my apartment, at work… When I told him if he didn't leave me alone I would press charges, I would tell all that he had done to me, which would have ruined his budding political career, by the way, that's when his father, Franklin Byrne contacted me..."

"The DA!" Liz said sympathetic and in disbelief.

"Franklin tried to make deal with me, he offered his DA chair with his full support in the election... Basically offered to rig the election…"

"If you would keep your mouth shut?"

Alex nodded again confirming.

"Obviously you didn't tell anyone since I didn't see your face on the front page news."

"I hadn't told anyone until I finally told Olivia a few weeks ago."

"Wow, and this Michael guy and the DA are still alive?"

"Olivia has been incredibly supportive and yes, she promised me to do no harm unless I gave her the go-ahead,'" Alex said trying to make a joke.

Liz didn't laugh.

"It would be easier to kill them," Liz deadpanned.

"Elizabeth Donnelly you know you can't say that."

"My office, I can say what I want. Besides this is personal."

Alex gave Liz a sad smile.

She and Liz had been friends long enough, been through enough battles, that damn right it was personal.

"I hope you're here because you're ready to give those sons of bitches what they deserve?"

Alex nodded, "that's why I'm here," she confirmed.

"Ok then, what can I do?"

Another deep breath.

"You can represent me."

Liz finally sat back in her chair.

"Alex, first of all, are you sure? I'm not sure if I'm the one…"

"Liz… you're the one. I trust you. I trust you as a professionally and personally."

Liz swallowed hard, looking at Alex. She was compartmentalizing what had happened, what needed to be done.

Where to put her personal emotions, because truthfully she wanted to cry for Alex, she wanted to yell and stomp her feet. She wanted to hand the balls of Michael and Franklin Byrne to Alex.

Alex was now sitting there stoically. Almost as if she were paralyzed.

"I'll do everything I can," Liz promised.

Alex cleared her throat, breaking up the emotions that had settled in her chest.

"I know I'm putting you in a hard spot Liz. I know that bringing this to you…"

"Alexandra stop. You know I will do everything in my power to help bury them."

"Thank you," Alex said sincerely.

Liz stood, taking a few steps and then back. "The Byrne's haven't tried to contact you since you left D.C.?"

"Not one threatening word."

Liz's wheels were turning.

"Can I ask you a question that I'm certain will piss you off?"

"That hasn't stopped you before," Alex teased with a smirk.

"Why did you wait to tell anyone? Especially when you got back to New York?"

"Because I ignorantly was hoping it would just go away, that I could leave it behind in D.C."

"And you finally told Olivia, why?"

"Rafael Barba inadvertently told Olivia that I had turned down the opportunity to run for DA. She was understandably pissed I didn't tell her. And when she confronted me about it, I was being vague and obviously not telling her the whole truth. You know Olivia, that didn't go over well."

"I didn't have to imagine. So, I have to ask if she coerced you in any way to go after The Byrnes?" Liz asked directly.

"No! Absolutely not! She was and has been nothing but supportive. She promised to be by my side whatever decision I did or didn't make."

"You know you being in a personal relationship with the Lieutenant of Manhattan Special Victims will be a strategy for them. They'll say she convinced you, coerced you…"

"I know they will. She knows."

"And though it is ridiculous that we even have to spend an ounce of thought on this you know they'll have a field day that you're with a woman."

"I know that too."

"Good thing you're not with just any women," Liz grinned.

Alex smiled.

"Who knows about your relationship?"

"Barba and a couple of our close friends."

"You've been purposefully keeping your relationship quiet?"

"No, just more so that we keep to ourselves. We're not hiding it."

"Well, keeping your relationship to yourself won't be for long."

"Liz, despite trying every damn day to make this just go away, thinking I could just bury it, it was crushing me. I was lying, I was pretending and I was scared to death that it would come between what Olivia I finally had together. But, thank God Olivia is who she is. We talked about this, we'll continue to talk about this. I know she will assure me a thousand times a day if she has to that we will get through this."

"Is there anything The Byrnes could throw back that I need to know about? Defamation? Cheating? Financial issues?

"No, nothing. I think I was a good partner in our relationship. I supported him, I cared for him. I played the part…"

"And they have no idea about Olivia?"

"I didn't cheat on him with Olivia," Alex responded defensively.

"I didn't ask if you did. I know you didn't, you wouldn't."

Alex took a breath, calming herself. "If he remembers anything at all, I had a picture of Olivia and I on my bookshelf in my apartment. But he never even asked who she was."

."Do you have any proof? Evidence?"

"I had started taking photos of my bruises on my phone, nothing recorded, I couldn't…"

"Any witnesses?"

"A mutual acquaintance saw him grab and shake me one night as we were leaving a gala."

"Did they confront you?"

"We locked eyes, she later came to me and asked was everything ok."

"And you said?"

"I made an excuse, said everything was fine."

"She believed you?"

"She was skeptical."

Alex could tell Liz was making mental notes.

"Alex they won't go quietly."

"Like they thought I did." Alex shot back.

"Well, I do think they'll continue to try and keep this quiet… but Alex you know they'll drag you to hell and back if they have to save their asses."

Alex sat her napkin next to the salad she had mostly shuffled back and forth and stood up, eye to eye to the fellow blonde.

"I tried to move on. I tried to wish it all away. It did nothing but haunt me. I want this life. My life with Olivia, my life in New York, I'll never truly have it until I face them."

Liz leaned in, unexpectedly pulling Alex into her.

Holding her, hugging her tightly.

"I'll put the wheels in motion. We'll get em."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Guys so sorry this has taken me a bit to update. I've been sick and work has been stressing me out... you know life. I hope you haven't forgotten about this little story, I'm trucking along. -Mel

19.

Alex didn't call Olivia immediately after meeting with Liz.

Though she knew she was probably out of her mind with worry and curiosity, Alex knew the moment she heard Olivia's voice she would break down.

And she couldn't break down.

Not there.

Her body physically ached as she walked down the busy streets of lower Manhattan, down the hallways to her office.

Telling Liz about the Byrne's and what they had done was exhausting. Pretending that she was fine took every ounce of will, and every ounce of pull yourself together and suck it up she had.

Alex fell into her chair behind her desk, her body slumping into the cool, brown leather.

She had been gripping her phone in her hand since she left Liz's office.

She listened to the phone ring once before Olivia's voice seeped into her ear.

"Babe?"

There was relief in Olivia's voice just to see Alex's name appear on the screen of her phone.

"Hey," was all Alex managed to say.

"You ok?"

Olivia couldn't see Alex shake her head yes. Instead, she heard silence.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"I'll come to you. Where are you? Are you in your office?"

Again, Alex paused. Yes, that's what she wanted, she wanted Olivia.

"No, no everything's fine. I'm fine. Just a lot, ya know?"

"Yeah."

Olivia did know.

"We can talk now or… I'll be home as soon as I can."

Olivia was trying desperately to read Alex.

Read what she needed.

"My conversation w Liz was good," she said relaying enough answer one of Olivia's questions. "I have work to do, I shouldn't be too late, meet me at my apartment?"

Alex's voice had changed, now more assertive.

"Of course, of course."

Olivia got she wasn't ready to talk and she wouldn't push.

"Okay," Alex said sounding relieved as a silence filled the space between them again.

"Babe, I love you."

Tears welled up in Alex's eyes.

"I love you."

And she quickly hung up the phone.

AOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAO

Alex made her way through the front door of her apartment.

She had done all of the "must do's" and left the rest for a clearer-headed tomorrow.

Alex didn't expect Olivia to be there, assuming she wouldn't be able to get away from the precinct that early, but she could hear water running in the bathroom.

"Liv are you here?" Alex called out but quickly distracted by the large bouquet of peonies lying on the kitchen counter.

Alex made her way to the flowers, admiring them, sticking her nose against the blooms, breathing in their sweet scent.

"I saw them and thought of you," Olivia said, peering around the corner.

Alex stifling her smile as she captured her bottom lip between her teeth.

"They're beautiful."

"Yet they still don't compare to you."

Letting go of her lip, Alex grinned at the compliment.

"The robe looks better on you," she said noticing Olivia was wearing her violet colored silk robe.

"You steal mine, I steal yours," Olivia teased.

Olivia had made her way to Alex, kissing her softly on the lips, until Alex provoked a more passionate kiss.

Pulling away it took a moment for Olivia to gather her thoughts, dazed by the kiss.

"I've opened wine and the tub is waiting. I was hoping you would join me."

"That sounds amazing, but you don't have to do this."

Olivia started to unbutton Alex's suit jacket, then pulling it from her shoulders, "Yes I do, that's why I am here, to talk, to love you, to fix you a pretty great bubble bath."

Olivia looked up at Alex holding her gaze, assuring her permission before she pulled the silk camisole from Alex's skirt.

Alex could now feel Olivia's fingers against her stomach and rising upwards to remove the camisole over her head.

Olivia lips immediately went to Alex's bare shoulders, pebbling kisses across her skin.

Alex pulled at the silk tie that held the robe in place against Olivia's body.

She pulled it loose and the robe immediately parted, revealing Olivia completely naked underneath.

Alex sucked in a sharp breath still enamored by her lover's body.

The corner of Olivia's mouth turned upward, satisfied w the look on Alex's face.

Alex reached for Olivia, unable to stop her hands from cupping the voluptuous breasts in front of her.

Olivia moaned as Alex kneaded her breast, her protruding nipples slipping between Alex's fingers where she pinched them lightly

"You have to stop doing that, we'll never make it to the tub."

Alex grinned releasing Olivia's breasts, then stepping back to undo her skirt and shimmying it down her thighs until it hit the floor.

Olivia looked at the blonde in her matching panty set and her heels.

"You are so incredibly sexy, I'm the luckiest woman on earth," she growled.

Alex pulled Olivia quickly back against her.

"Loose the heels Cabot," Olivia said her voice deeper.

Alex strategically placed her hand inside Olivia's robe to her bare hip, holding on for balance as she stepped out of her heels.

They now stood almost eye to eye.

Olivia kissed Alex once again before taking her hand guiding her to the bathroom.

The tub filled with bubbles and the room permeated with the smell of lavender.

"You are the most incredible woman," Alex said noting the two glasses of wine, sitting on the edge of the tub.

Olivia smiled with the compliment and pulled the robe from her shoulders, now standing there completely naked in front of Alex.

"You're killing me," Alex said her eyes roaming.

"Take off your bra and panties," Olivia said almost whispering.

Jesus, Olivia was killing her.

Alex undid her bra, slowly letting the lace fall to the floor. She then slid her panties down her thighs, down her long legs, stepping out of them.

Olivia took a moment to admire her. She then stepped in the tub sitting down, speeding her legs, making room for Alex, before motioning her pointer finger for her to join her.

Alex got in, now sinking her sudsy skin against Olivia's core, her belly, her breasts very noticeably against her.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex for a few moments as they adjusted to the warm water.

Alex then reached for Olivia's hand covering it with her own.

She guided Olivia's hand across her belly, to her breasts.

Olivia took the cue and Alex revelled in Olivia touching her gently, but deliberately.

Alex leaned her head back against Olivia's shoulder but still continued to guide Olivia's hands over her body

With one swift moved Alex pushed Olivia's hand between her legs

Olivia continued massaging Alex's lower outer lips.

Alex reached back cupping Olivia's head closer to her

"Baby please," Alex whispered.

Olivia slipped her fingers between Alex's folds leaving Alex still holding on to the back of her hand.

Alex concentrated on the motion.

Olivia had changed her mood, softened her hardened protective shell… and would soon send her over the edge

"Don't stop," Alex said, barely audible.

Olivia ran the tips of her fingers methodically against Alex's clit.

Rhythmic and patient as Alex gripped Olivia's now damp hair.

Olivia pressed her lips against the lobe of Alex's ear as she felt her body tense.

Alex gripped Olivia's arm as her body started to quiver.

Olivia slowed her rhythm as Alex rode out her orgasm.

"You make me feel so good, baby... I'm so good when I'm with you," Alex's breathed as her heartbeat slowed.

When she could move again, Alex sat up turning around in the tub to face Olivia.

She instantly kissed her passionately.

They sat in the tub in silence as Alex ran her fingers down Olivia's neck, across her shoulders…

God she loved touching her. She loved being with her. She had never been this intimate with anyone.

Never trusted, never loved anyone as much as she did Olivia.

Olivia reached for one of the glasses of wine, handing it to Alex, then reaching for her other.

Alex took a sip. "I have to be honest, after today, I didn't think I would be in this tub relaxed, feeling like I am right now."

"That's what surprises are for," Olivia grinned.

Alex took another slow sip of the red wine, Olivia could tell she was replaying the day.

"Wanna talk about it?" Olivia asked twirling strands of Alex's wet hair around her finger.

Alex leaned back against "her end" of the tub, opposite of Olivia, still keeping contact with Olivia with her hand on her leg.

"Of course Liz's reaction wasn't a surprise. Much like yours, she was in disbelief, she was angry…"

"How did she react when you asked her to represent you?"

"I think she was surprised, but then she seemed to be ok with the idea. She quickly jumped into asking questions. And she pointed out that our relationship would be scrutinized. Not only because you're the Lieutenant of special Victims, but because you're a woman."

"But we knew that."

"And I told Liz that we did, it's just… Liv, you don't need this."

"Alex!"

"Liv, they could put your personal life, your professional life on the front page."

"I've been there."

"They'll drag us through the ringer."

"Alex, I'm not leaving your side. Babe, you have to believe how much I love you. How brave and amazing I think you are for standing up, for not letting them get away with this. Not letting them do this to someone else."

"You're being too understanding, too perfect."

Olivia raised her brow.

"I'll stop being so understanding, the perfect part I can't help." Olivia teased.

Alex smirked playfully rolling her eyes.

"If we go to court you'll hear everything." Alex looked away, "You'll know the details of what he did to me. And I know you've heard it all, but Liv, it's me."

"If you want me to say I'm not horrified by the thought of hearing the details..."

It all comes flooding out.

"You want to know? You want to know the details of what he did to me?" Alex questioned her voice almost icy.

Olivia sat further up in the rub, pulling away from Alex's touch.

"No, no I don't want to know. But it happened Alex. I love you and anything concerning you matters to me, even if it not neat and pretty. And if something hurts you it's going to hurt me. It's inevitable."

"I don't want to be what hurts you. Not you, your career."

"Alex you can't always protect me from someone who throws stones and I can't always protect you. What I can do is be here, be as strong as I can be for you, and love you no matter what."

"Are you ready for everyone to know about us?"

"Alex, we talked about this."

"The circumstances were different."

"No, they're not. I love you. I'm in love with you. And it doesn't matter if the Brass, or the Byrne's, or the world knows, or has an opinion. That has not changed, that won't change."

"You think everything will be ok?" "You're not worried that they will ruin everything we have?"

"The truth?"

"Of course."

"I think if you didn't go through with this we would still be facing the same uncertainties. One because that's life. Life is uncertain. But, also if you hadn't told me if you hadn't decided to let this secret out, decided to stand up, I'm not certain who you would have become carrying all that weight around."

"More of a mess than I already am."

"You're not a mess. You're amazing."

"Ha."

Olivia leaned in kissing Alex, before she stood up, the now lukewarm water rushing down her body.

Alex watched Olivia as she stepped out of the tub wrapping herself in a towel and then reaching for Alex's hand, "come on".

Alex took Olivia's hand, stepping out of the tub beside her on the bathmat as Olivia wrapped a towel around her.

"I know today was hard and it's just the beginning. And I know some days bubble baths won't do the trick, but we'll figure it out."

Alex shook her head.

"Ok, now let's order dinner because I'm certain you barely touched your lunch you had with Liz."

"So you're just going to make everything better?" Alex asked seriously.

"I'm sure as hell gonna try."


End file.
